Good things come from Wisconsin

( of course in no particular order:

1. The Digit
2. Eva ( fyi- this was taken pre-injury)
3. My Mar's Cheese Castle T-shirt from Madamoiselle Cindy!)

Hack! Hack! Hack!

Thats the sound of me right now. Sexy, huh?

Not only am i totally sick, im also angry and depressed. I dont know why. Its like Im trying to do too many things at once, and instead of all of it, I just end up doing nothing. Having a bath and reading my Star Wars book.

Im really upset over the strife in my little family unit. One of my little children attacked my other child on Friday and not only am i worried now about my little one's safety, Im worried that my big boy might injure or attack someone else. Yah. Digit bit Eva in the face. It looks horrible and worries me to death. The only thing worse than the sound of dogs fighting, is seeing the aftermath of your poor little roo hound cringing on her bed with part of her cheek missing.

There is also other strife. About someone expecting me to do all the cleaning in the house and make him meals while he lays around and watches hockey. But I wont get into that.

I also think all my clients are on their periods.

Like I said. Bath and my Star Wars book seems to be the best option.

De Shower show

Note: I drunk posted Saturday...but hit 'save as draft' instead of 'publish. Enjoy.


I just came back from the gay bar Twisted. Whoa. They got rid of the wall of cock...but tghe Shower show has been added. Its 2 guys in cutoffs in a shower sudsing each other up. The cutoffs made me think of Tobias from Arrested Development. Maybe they are Never-nudes?

I drank over 20 shots of sour puss. haha . i just wroyte "sour piss". that'd be a different typr of shower!

there was a girl whp didnt be;ieve m,e that no means no, she told me i had pretty eyes and they started stroking my arm. oh dear.

eva looks sad/

Yes. The shower show. It was as good/scary/interesting as it sounds.

Cause I've lost all my self control

I heard this song this morning and again, my mind wandered back to the time when it really hit home... I woke up after a night of hard core drinking, my mouth tasting like shit, look in the mirror and my hair that i had just dyed jet black was all over the place and i had black makeup streaming down my face. I said to the dude i was with at the time, Nate, "Holy fuck! I look like a crackwhore!"...and then "Brand new low" by Treblecharger came on the clock radio. Brilliant. Another moment when its like you are in a movie and the song fits with the scene. (That scene, btw, would be the scene when i realise that i drink more than go to class and that if i actually want to pass my first year of law school i should prolly start reading and paying attention to what was going on in Contracts and Administrative Law and less on what was on special at Winston's Pub and whether Natie was in the mood....)

Oooh! I have a picture for this little trip down memory lane-- from Law Games 2000. ( my events were all drinking related)

Anyhoo, fucking work has been busy as hell and i havent had a chance to post or even comment that much. Im sorry. Call my boss and yell at him. Or my assistant-- shes been sick off and on this week and its hard for me to screw around when im trying to figure out how to type a letter.

My acting class ended on Tuesday night and we had our little performance. I had a blast...everyone's projects were really good. Mine was an abbreviated and non-verbal version of the Wizard of Oz. I think we rocked it...although i was pretty worried before we did it as it seemed the 3 of us all had totally different recollections of what happened to the Wiz. Anyhoo, it worked out. I didnt get any pictures, but i did draw an artists' rendering of what it prolly looked like.


(click to make biggy-- but y'all ready knew that)

Crap. I should get back to work. Its so bad, Im actually designating things for what i will take home this weekend. And its only 930. Fuck.

Get crazy with the Cheez wiz.

I heard 'Loser' by Beck on the radio this morning. Remember how frickin cool that song was when it came out? Totally made my Grade 10. I have memories of singing it in the hallway when we sat and ate our lunches and the cool kids looked down their snobby noses at us and we were all jealous of them cuz they wore Guess jeans and Club Monaco sweatshirts. And I wore inside out cardigans and giant plaid pants. And i went from being tubby to not so tubby in the summer of Grade 10 and was even considered 'hot' in grade 11....while in Grade 10 i was just one of those chicks who gave head in the back of the library in the reference section when I got up and left Social studdies cuz I made the teacher believe that i was having nightmares from studying WWII.

where was i going with this? Oh right. Beck. Good song.

Ive been really busy lately with work and shit...plus tonight is our performance for my acting class. Ive also been trying to learn Spanish. Not even kidding. As if i dont have enough shit going on I decide to try to become proficient in another language in 30 days. [ honestly-- my goal is that if i get a cabbie in some remote Tican town who speaks no english ill be able to tell him to take our asses to a hotel thats near the beach and doesnt have whores working out of it...] The learning is so far okay, which is only because its so similar to french.



Say what?

Im also working on exercises that are 'core firming' and help my balance cuz I plan to take surf school in Costa rica. [ again-- a low goal means being happy if i actually succeed--and is me just being able to STAND on a board after 2 days of teaching] Im hoping that my longboarding skills will help me... although they are pretty unimpressive.

Im so going to find a picture of Grade 10 Juicy for the old blog now.

Leper-con

Actual spelling my assistant used on Google to find pictures of a leprechan. I had a frickin field day with this... accusing her of looking for porn involving people with skin disorders behind bars.

Holy fuck it took to long for Friday to show up. That is all im going to say about that.

Last night Jer and I went to a bar to watch the Flames game ( actually, he went to watch the flames, i went to eat chicken wings and drink). I unfortunately got pretty damn drunk. I tried to blog. I was apparently too drunk to figure out new blogger, so y'all are SOL. While we were at the bar, the owners of the bar ( its called Kits on 16th) were filming a commercial. We had to 'act' and pretend that the flamers scored a goal. I hope that I will get discovered. If I ever see it, ill try to tape it and stuff and put it on here. Dont hold yer collective breaths on that though.

Be sure to drink some sickly green dyed beer tomorrow and puke in technicolor the next day... I plan to do the same. Ill try to get pics.

And now, Boogie Nights + Star WArs = FUCKING AWESOME ( thanks to Dave)

We have a winner!

Guess where im going?


Nope.

COSTA RICA!!!

that is all. continue working...and try to stop going to look at pictures on the internet. yes, im talking to myself.

Its like an alarm clock!

( To all the people who answered yesterday...you rule. To the 177 who DID NOT, well, you stink...what you think i dont go to stat counter and find out how many of you there are out there?)

I took some melatonin last night to sleep. Within 15 minutes of taking it, I couldnt lift my arms. Whoever says that shit isnt addictive, obviously didnt ride it like i did. It worked well because despite Jer, the Digit, and Eva's attempts to wake me up for hours on end, they did not succeed. I need to do commercials for that shit.

Not even my 2 loud dogs...one who when he rearranges himself on the floor, actually shakes the bed and walls and another one who thinks that licking/chewing her side is the new crack...and my snoring, sleeptaking, and flailing boyfriend who thinks he owns 85% of the bed can wake me up on that melatonin shit. Hells yeah!

Have you ever seen Bub Rubb and the whistle tips? His voice just came into my head when I was typing that. The whistles go whhooo-whooo.



Des Just for decoration. Das all. Thank you, Lil Sis. Me and best friend Vancouver, Bronwyn, used to be addicted to that video and recited it all the time. I was trying to find 'whoo whoo' as a ringtone.

I just slammed my right index finger in my door. My mousing finger! Noooo! How will I aimlessly surf when i should be working?

I have nothing to do today. Let the loafing commence.

Where are your hands right now, Juicy?

Remember how I was all 'Oh this time change doesnt affect me' on Monday? Yeah. I spoke to frickin soon. I havent slept well in days... grumble grumble. I almost fell asleep during my first appointment...I just kept repeating the last thing the client said with a nod and pretended to write it down.

I still havent decided where we are going on vacation. Im thinking central/south america, as someone doesnt want to travel for more than 10 hours and all the really cool shit i want to see is like 20-30hrs away by plane. Anyone been to Panama? Is it cool?

So this morning, while driving to work i started thinking about something. And here it is: Do many people masturbate at work? I mean people who arent working from home or whose job it is to masturbate at work ( like webcam type entertainment 'chat hosts'. Do people do it? Do they do it often? How do they conceal it from the public? Bathrooms? Behind closed office doors?*

I know quite a few people who can admit to having sex at their workplace**, but no one seems to jump up and admit to ahem, double clicking the mouse too many times when they should be finishing their TPS Reports.



I guess before i say the floor is yours to come clean or deny it completely, I also want to know whether anyone has had/given head at work too. Lets give that its own category, as it is Steak and Blow Job day [ thanks, Itchy you little minx]***

Your participation in this survey will serve no real purpose except confirm that my readers are just as pervy as I am. If no one answers this, I will be dejected and sad and will turn this blog into a place where i post pictures of kittens and balloons, and other mommyblogger type shit.

[*In case you are wondering. The answer for me is yes. It happened. Like last summer...but it was after hours so i dont think it 'officially' counts. ]

[ **again, me too, but not 'officially' cuz it was on a weekend at night]

[***well...um...er... yeah. One of the benefits of having your own office and the 'Do not disturb' function on the phone]

Shittin up all sorts of sunshine

Despite the fact(s) that it is 830 am...on a Monday...after Daylight savings time..I am in a surprisingly good and happy sort of mood. I am sure this will be gone by approx. 100 pm today. If I was a betting person, Id bet on that. Speaking of betting, apparently the odds are in your favour if you want to bet that Heather Mills-McCartney's leg will fall off during her dance stint on 'Dancing with the Celebrities'. Some shit you cant even make up.

I just read J-Mo's post on St. Paddy's day. I am now seriously jonesing for some Guiness. That might be the first time i have ever used the term 'jonesing'. Remember it as i dont think ill use it again any time soon.

I saw 300 this weekend. It FUCKING RULED WOOOO MUTHAFUCKA. I wrote a paper once on the battle of Thermopylae, so maybe thats why i was so fricking excited about it...or the fact that its based on a graphic novel. Anyways, I did want to stab someone or decapitate someone in the name of Sparta after i left the theatre. Then me and Jer bought a bunch of candy so I was dealing with blood lust AND a sugar high. I was running all over the mall, no make that bouncing all over the mall yelling about how 'This is SPARTAAAA!.'

This weekend was super nice out so i broke out the warmer weather clothes. Nothing is a better feeling than realising that the pants that were fitted in September are now waaaay too big.

One year ago I was heading here:


Vacation time t- 8 weeks. Any suggestions where we should go?

Thoughts on a salad

I am currently eating a Wendy's Salad that is bigger than my head. I know this. Cuz i measured it. Said salad consists of 3 cherry tomatoes, 1/2 c. of cold slightly damp chicken, some sheddded cheddar and a whole head of fucking lettuce. All yours for 6.29! Gawd damn. I should do commercials or something.

Hey you! Wanna eat healthy? We'll were gonna FUCK YOU BLIND. You can get a hamburger and fries for 99 cents each-- or a head of lettuce for 6.00. Ball is in your court, retard.

Oh yeah, and the salad dressing has 300 calories in it. So I coulda had a burger and then went to safeway and bought a head of lettuce....thus having the same amount of calories and saving like 5 bucks.

Moving on.

I had to post that Centaur pic below because i find those sort of things totally hilarious. Like the time i Stumbled Upon a newsgroup for Mormon Furries. ( I cant find it now, BTW, they musta taken it down) There is a page for Centaur art here..if yer into that kinda kink...cuz I sure am not. But i wont judge cuz ive got my own bizarro fetishes that I wont get into right now. All and all, kudos to someone who took the effort to construct a centaur costume just for shits an giggles.

Moving on, again.

My mood has completely changed in the past few days since its been all springlike. I want to spend my days drinking outside and wearing flip flops...and thats about it. Oh, and bitching about my salad...which i am still only 1/3 done and I feel i have been eating for an hour.

And now, my dog giving her best Top Model fierce pose.



Talk to the paw, bitches!

Quick intermission brought to you by Toothpaste for dinner.com:

toothpastefordinner.com

For some reason, people dressed as centaurs are comedy gold.

Real post will come later.

Todays thoughts--and my lego art from this weekend

Im drinking a slurpee right now. Its fucking heavenly. Right now its +13 degrees outside... thats a whole 30 degrees warmer than it was last week at this time. Hellooooo Global warming. I really dig you Al Gore, but this is pretty fucking sweet.

Lego Ranch w/ horses, cars, and ranchstyle bungalow By Juicy and Sean

I wish I could sleep as well as I do between 530 am and 715 am for the whole night. Its like my bed is absolutely uncomfortable and the room is too warm, the roos are too loud, Jer is too farty until 530...and then all is bliss. Just thought id share that with yall.

Lego horses-- Big Red and Punchy

We are approaching our final projects for my acting class. My character: a schizophrenic version of myself. Not even kidding. Like "Me, Myself and Irene"...but with Juicy instead of Jim Carrey. Its either going to rock, or come out really weird. Either way it should be fun.

Rancher Ted and Red and Punchy:
Rancher Ted: S'up
Red: Not much, dawg, what about you?
RT: Not much, man. Just hanging out.

Jeremy broke the TV set last night. Im not sure what he was doing...but it happened right after the Blues scored on the Flames... so I have my guesses that its from some sort of hockey rage.

Fuck this work. Im going out to play. This slurpee sugar has gone directly to my head.

I couldnt wait til tomorrow to post this

[click to play]

Dipsy seems to like it, though...

(yes I know the Teletubbies' names. I used to watch them all the time when i was stoned. )

And now: Bad Star Wars costumes.



You're welcome.

Didsbury

Y'know what Ive realised? Since the 'new blogger' has been forced upon me, I dont like posting or putting comments on peoples blogs. Why? Because before I typed 'juicya' for my name and **** for my password... now i have to type in lola_fifty...blah blah blah as my email address and ********* as my password. My work load has gone up 150% to sign in. I hates it. So if I havent been commenting, its not because Im not sitting in Calgary at my work desk guffawing away at your posts...its cuz im lazy.

This weekend I went up to visit my sister and her chillun. It was pretty cool. I got to play some video games and legos. Actually, it was a lot like a normal weekend for me, just with kids and without drugs. On the way back home, I thought I would live dangerously and not fill up my gas tank before i left town. Oh wait did i say live dangerously? I meant live STUPIDLY. ( wait is that a word? likely not. aw, who cares. im not getting graded on this post)

Anyways, I almost ran out of gas on the way home. I was cruising along at 135 km/h and i looked at my gas gage just as BEEP! the gas light turned on. I was 30 km outside the nearest town...and i knew that there is approx 25 km of gas left after the beep. So, with a lot of prayer and cursing... I was able to make it into a small town 5 km off the highway to get gas at the oldest and cruddiest gas station i have ever seen in my life. So this post is dedicated to the people of Didsbury, Alberta.

Whats Didsbury you may ask? According to the website:

Whether this is your first time visiting or your fourteenth, coming to Didsbury always feels a little like coming home. With its many historical structures, as well as its more contemporary buildings, Didsbury is where old meets new in a wonderful mix of traditional values and community progress!

They have a walking tour to go thru their historical buildings and train museum! There is a a trade show annually in July!
As their Town mascot, Didsbee, would say "We're a honey of a town!"

So why not head on down to Didsbury as your next vacation destination. They totally rule. Shine on you crazy diamond.

Yeah. So my guess is that a large percentage of the town revenue comes from people who are running out of gas while driving between Calgary and Edmonton.

Im very unmotivated at work today. Last week everyone seemed to come down with the plague and on Friday, it was just me, one partner, my assistant, and our real estate conveyancer here. In order for the staff to actually get stuff done, I ended up answering the phones for most of the afternoon. It totally cracked me up because someone would call and ask for me, and Id say "Im sorry, shes on a call right now". Haha. Get it? Cuz I was on the phone with THEM.

February 28-- Happy Post

Guess who has a birthday today?






Its also my nephew James' birthday too... but I dont have any embarrassing pictures of him...on here...

February 28-- Angry Post.

Im doing 2 posts today-- one is the happy and the other one is not so much. This is the 'not so much'once.

Hockey Strategy. Thats the reason they gave for trading the highest scoring, best player who was an obvious fan favourite for 2 guys who arent even playing in the NHL. Nothing is worse than when you realise that the owners/management of the team you love so much has pretty much given up on them for the season. Thrown in the fucking towel. Someday we'll have developed good players. Fuck today and the fact that we made it to the fucking Stanley Cup final last year. Lets get rid of the good players for more mediocre ones and hopefully start from scratch again. Yeah-- for what? So in 5 years they can be traded away again for nothing? GRR!

However, I still cant hate my oilers. I didnt want to watch the Messier ceremony last night after all the shit went down....but i had to. The moose represents the Oilers i loved back in the day. Its like they totally made me hate the game,NHL, and the Oil at 135...but by 7pm they had be back.

While im in the ranting mood, I really am pissed at a bunch of lawyers right now too. This one lawyer has successfully caused my client to lose his house he was buying because she ignored my 3 faxes and 42 phone calls and didnt have her client sign some documents. Another lawyer served me with documents for court tomorrow. My client is out of the country and i cant get directions.

And its snowing.

Happy Messier Day!

( if you dont know what that is... well, you suck. admit that...then go here.)

I had fun playing hooky last week, however, now I have returned to the office to see that everything has gone completely shit and every file i have has somehow gone sideways. Hooray.

So in Banff we went to this Fondue joint...which was fucking amazing. When we ran out of fruit in our chocolate fondue, me and Jer just decided to drink the leftover chocolate...about 10 seconds after we finished it, our waiter came in and asked if we needed more fruit. Ooops. Oh well, sometimes its fun to be a savage.

The main reason we go to Banff is to hit the outdoor hottub at this hotel. (and for vacation sex, too.)
Fuck im hot. Paris motherfucking hilton of the Rockies, baby.

I cant remember what else i have to post about. Since I began this, I have had to stop and work 5 or 6 times. Instead, go here and see the guy who played Ricky on Better off Dead re-enact a scene between a dude and his 6 year old son. (ps. Better off dead? Best.Movie.Fucking.Ever.)

Ooh, wait. I was going to post about the NHL Trade deadline. The Oilers need a Defenceman and to keep Ryan Smyth. If you are a NHL GM and reading this, Ill trade you a D-man for 7 minutes in heaven with yours truly. Just look at the picture above... Im worth it Mr. GM sir!

Everything is Automatic

its been a few days, eh?

ive been at a course on how to be a less litigious/more collaborative lawyer. fun shit dude

and now, its saturday and im super wasted on sake and redbull/vodka and cheering for the LA kings to beat the colorado avelanche and ze sharks to kick ze flames' ass so the sweet sweet baby oilers can make the playoffs. [ or at least be closer into the 8th playoff spot]

i played hooky on thurs from work an went to Banff and played-- sadly i was caught. i had a buhch of files go frickin mideaval on thurs and my assistant [who knew i was playin hooky] call me and tell my partners that she needed to find me. fuck.

i made eva some pajamas. yah, i made my dog clothes-- do you have a problem with it?

The War begins today

Im thinking of doing another theme month featuring all my funny t-shirts. I dont have that tshirt above, but Im thinking i may get it. Its pretty fucking funny. Ive also been thinking of getting this one too.

So today, February 20 2007 it started again. Causing me to be in an evil pissy mood and make me hate my life even more. It happens earlier every year, and doesnt have the decency to stop early. Its gotta stop or I will kill again.

Im talking about the birds chirping at FUCKING 5:00AM IN THE FUCKING MORNING.

Every year i have to deal with this shit. Its the worst thing in the world to have to wake up to. High pitching squeaking and squawking. And its non stop now until late November.

As long as I can remember I have HATED birds for this reason. I dont know if other people hate it as much as me and say nothing or if Im just really sensitive to the sound. And it hasnt mattered where Ive lived-- they have found me. Those fucking loud beaked little assholes. Oh look at us, we are tiny and cute and love to wake up to the sunrise and be FUCKING LOUD.

This year, Im not putting up with it. This year, I will win the war of the birds and they will leave and get fucked.

Grr.

On a happier note, its a short work week for me this week. More so than other people, too. Try and ruin that, birds.

Asshole pills: Cheap and Direct!

I think someone has been selling mail order asshole pills to the people of Calgary. Its like everyone has been in an absolute pissy mood-- except for me. I was super chipper yesterday morning...and i am still somewhat in a good mood...but its like everyone is trying to wear me down and make me crabby too.

Its beeen people calling me just basically to yell at me. One client just called and attempted to shit on my head because his wife wont sign some documents for him. I told him to shutthefuckup and stop bitching at me and my staff-- or he'll find himself with a wife who wont sign over the home AND no lawyer to help him out.

Even Eva was being an asshole yesterday-- running around outside and barking. I had never heard her bark before so I had no idea what that weird high pitched sound was...until I realised that the Digit was staring at the general direction she was running in and was giving her a dirty look. Ten minutes after that, she jumped up and punched me in the eye. Its not too swollen, but it frickin hurts.

So its a long weekend here in Alberta-- and Im basically watching the clock until its time to go.

I made this while someone was telling me their life story on the phone:



( yes thats a pic of me and Jer behind G and P-- they are on my computer at work)

What I got for Valentines day...

(Thats Eva lookin' shady.)

Yeah, I take it back. Jer rules.

Mmm Salty

Happy VD to all those who celebrate it... and happy wednesday to all that dont.

Today I did end up in Court and found it hilarious that there were 5 ex parte Restraining order applications this morning. Ahhh. Nothing like true love.

Then I got stuck behind a funeral procession on the way back to work. Truly today is a day for love...

Heartbreakin shit

Ps. Its still snowing. It has been for 4 days straight. Urgh.

I usually dont drag my own personal domestic squabbles onto the old blog o rama, but sometimes i need to vent. You dont need to read this if you dont want... ill be more amusing in a few paragraphs... And this venting begins.....NOW.

As you are likely aware, I am fostersitting a greyhound named Eva. Shes very sweet, but still a dumb puppy at times ( especially at 4 in the morning when she wants to play/be let outside). I know that she isnt mine, but its also a pretty well known fact that i want to keep her. Last week i asked 'someone' the probability of us keeping her, and he told me, with a smile, hed give me his final answer this weekend. In all honesty, I believed that he would say yes...so i allowed myself to get more attached to her...if i thought he would say no i wouldnt had let myself get attached...just to hear from him on Saturday that his answer is a resounding 'no'. Not only that, but he told it to me in a fucking hockey analogy, comparing poor little homeless Eva to a player on the Flames who is on the home team and only gets to play in the NHL occasionally. (yeah, its a pretty bad analogy to begin with, let alone pretty heartless) And when i got mad, he actually blamed his reasoning on The Digit and that how he doesnt want her there. Jerkass, hes a dog. Hes just happy if he gets his food on time. Im pretty pissed about this. And sad cuz I really lurve the little roohound and wanted to keep her.

Okay. Done.

My practice pretty much dies down this time of year. I know its funny, but for some reason no one wants to talk to their divorce lawyer around valentines day. I actually had court scheduled for the 14th and a client asked if there was any way we could change it...because she didnt want to see her ex on Vday.

When I called the other counsel to switch it...he said that actually his client had requested the same from him. Im not too worried about not being busy, because Spring Break/ Easter break are coming up and everyone loves to fight over the kids for holidays. The other lawyer actually suggested we (meaning the family bar) all go drinking on Wednesday cuz we wont be working.

I didnt watch the Grammys yesterday. This shouldnt surprise anyone.

Im tired of the coverage of Anna Nicole Smith. Its really not that exciting... but how did they a get a picture of my fridge on the internet!?



The only thing better than chocolate pudding and mushrooms? Methadone and SlimFasT!

Shrooms: The diet supplement

Since Ive been doing the old diet/exercise/food monitoring shit over the last 6 weeks [ ps. Ive lost 6 llbs. woot.] Ive been increasing the protein that i eat and reducing the carbs. [ yeah-- i know i should be eliminating the carbs, but fuck it. life is too short to worry about 4g of carbs in my granola bar...] Anyhoo, i keep eating this protein shit powder. Ive switched between whey and veggie protein...but it doesnt matter. This stuff is digusting.

Today, while i tried to bury some of the chalky powdered hell into my yogurt, i thought of something. This is EXACTLY what i do when i take magic mushrooms.

I stuff it in twinkies, mix it in tomato or orange juice, hide it in pudding and yogurt. And you have to do it, because despite the obvious benefits, it tastes fucking horrible and you cant just chow it down or add it to water without gagging.

So here is my conspiracy theory [ ever notice i have these usually on Fridays when avoiding work?].... mushrooms, especially the psiylocibin kind, are good vegetable protein. Im doing myself a favour by consuming them and not horrible carb ridden drugs like uh, cocaine ( blow is so tasty-- theres gotta be carbs in there somewhere).

So magic mushrooms, you have Juicy's seal of approval for being good healthy shit!



Dont you wanna get shrooms now too? Theyre good for you! Just dont forget the chocolate pudding!

HNT: Staying in the mood

Its snowing. Its cold. The roads are covered in ice.

And Im wearing these shoes today-- why? Because Im just that kinky.

Haha! For other kinky lil bastards go see Os

Heads Down. Thumbs up.

Do you remember when there were snow days at school...or better yet, days when only like 10 people showed up to class... and then you got to play games all day at school? Yeah, that rocked. I was super sneaky playing 7-up... I would never pick people who were my close friends...and then i would make eye contact with someone who I hadnt picked...yeah man. I rocked it. [ note: if you have NO FRIGGIN CLUE what I am talking about... then you havent played 7-up and i feel sorry for you. Luckily Wikipedia has a post on it...cuz i aint in the mood to EXPLAIN it, just PLAY it]

Ive been trying to get people here at work to either let me go home because of the neverending snow...or at least just cancel all my appointments so we can play all day. No one wants to work or concentrate. Its totally a sit around in PJs and drink hot chocolate laced with Baileys kinda day. Not sit and try to care about people's lives. However, for some reason, the snow seems to have triggered an asshole switch in most people's heads. So this is my day: I have no concentration and want to go home, and people are calling me and yelling. Makes for a fucking jolly sort of time.

I have the theme song for the 'King of Cars' show in my head. Fuck that show makes me laugh. I dont know why people would buy a $100,000 car from a dude dressed in a blue genie outfit...yet, at the same time, i can totally see myself doing it.

I bet the Blue Genie would like to play 7-up. But hed never guess it was me.

Treat your mama right...

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Dang. I wish I could put 'Mr. T back up dancer/singer' on my resume...

The Superbowl Post

So I watched the football yesterday. Like everyone else on the planet.

I was cheering for Da Bears for no real reason except the Colts beat the Patriots...so I was mildly dissappointed when they lost. Meh. Another Superbowl without the Bills is all i think. (I originally was going to cheer for the Colts cuz I like horses and i am irrationally afraid of bears...but this reason seemed even more random than the reason above.)

I know that a lot of people like the Superbowl because of the commercials-- well, unfortunately i didnt get to see any uber cool multimillion costing adverts. Nope. I got to see the stupid commercials picked out by Global, the Canadian channel which picked up the feed. No K-Fed, no Clydesdales, No mildly sexist and insulting beer commercials. Nope. Just fucking excitement about 'Deal or No Deal Canada' which was being shown right after the football... and I mean RIGHT after. We barely got to see any Joy of Victory/Agony of Defeat B.S.... just oh heres the winner.... and now Howie Fucking Mandel and his weird alien bald head. Ug.

Now that im talking about commercials, why is Jessica Simpson hawking both Pizza Hut cheese explosion type crust thingies...AND proActive skin clearing systems? Does anyone else see the irony in this? Eat this greasy shit... OR have beautiful skin like me now, although I used to be a real pizza face. Oh, haha. I just answered my own question. Anyhoo, I also find it funny that she tries to seem like the girl next door 'im just like you' kinda girl when selling face wash....and like a stripper who wants to fuck your 12 year old son in the other. Maybe Ive spent too much time thinking about this.

So overall this my take on the superbowl:

-Sorry Bears. (Although you are named after a scary animal)

- No good commercials. Howie Mandel scares small children.

-I dont like either version of Jessica Simpson. Lets never mention her again.

Shiny Juicy People

Haha. I think i need to put this on my cards or something.

Although my latest posts might not show it, but Ive actually been in a pretty damn good mood lately. Maybe because my house is filled with the sights and smells of greyhound heaven. Maybe cuz I made a really really big bonus for January. Maybe Im just happy. Fuck, I dunno.

But what Ive realised is that when im generally happy, I seem to occasionally explode into these Dennis Leary-esque rants now and then over the most random and weird things. They're just like a 2 minute concentrated explosion to release some steam...and then i go back to being happy. So far these are things Ive exploded about:

- The movie Legends of the Fall. I saw a preview for it last night and totally freaked out about what an utter and complete load of shit it is....and how Brad Pitt isnt even that goodlooking in it. ( I mean, as bad as that guy can look)

-The Canucks. I went into a 30-45 second tirade about how much i hate them during the game last night. Then I was actually pretty calm about them for the rest of the game. I actually didnt yell or scream or get pissed at all ( and yes, we lost too)

-The crud inside my toothpaste tube. Whats the fucking deal with it?

-The rant i had about the professor and his anti-blog book yesterday.

Even now, usually when i type out things that make me angry, I get mad again. Nope. Not this time. Weird. Maybe February is the month of blissful joy with some mild angry freakouts here and there...kinda like little chocolate chips in a big muffin. Fuck. I must be in a weird mood, normally an analogy like that woulda set me over the edge.

Lonely extroverts with made up names unite!

"Bloggers are living in a world where emotions may be real but everything else is
make-believe, says a University of Calgary professor in a new book. "

Oh just fuck off you fucking loser. At least I went out and got a real
job instead of just staying in University for a bunch of years and then
having to stay and take a job there because the university is the only
reality you belong in....(the whole article here)

Awesome. I just realised it was Thursday ( yes I realise its 230 pm)...so thats my HNT of the day entitled "mmmm Forbidden Donut"

Question: Am i more bored, sad, or annoyed?

Im sorry Im not really in a blogging mood right now. Which is weird, cuz up to 2 minutes ago I was all gung ho and shit...but now its gone. I feel like a lump of mashed potatoes. I was at a conference yesterday where i kept kicking myself to stay awake and I think im still in that kinda mood.

Im also kinda down because my assistant just brought up Barbaro being put down on Monday to me...which absolutely depressed me yet again for the millionth time in the last 2 days. Yesterday I was late for my acting class because I was sitting in my car crying. Such a suck, I know. Its just that when i think about the fate of little racehorses, which sometimes is worse than that of retired greyhounds (with exception to the 2 little spoiled ones in my house), I get sad.

Sigh.

Im also fucking freezing. Isnt there any heat in this place? Huh. I dunno.

Now I have a client on the phone with me. She wont stop babbling.

Seriously 25 min. of her going on.

Another 14min. no end in sight.

shes talking about renovations to a home now? fuck! what is she on?

now her family's medical conditions....

I wish it was 5pm.

I have been on the phone for 1 hour and 37 min.

no end in sight.

FINALLY!

HOLY FUCKING CHRIST! I was just about to hit 'publish' when the receptionist told me she is BACK ON THE PHONE. Apparently 1 hr 58 min was not long enough.

(ps. thats a $400.00 phone call)

I told the receptionist to tell her i was trying to kill myself with a ballpoint pen and to take a message.

Whoa. I apparently had more to blog about that i thought...

Juicy A: Greyhound Smuggler and Threat to Homeland Security

So on Friday afternoon I decided that I was going to help our greyhound organization with the pickup of 20 new dogs from Great Falls, Montana. ( All the dogs are from Wisconsin.... hooray for Cheeseheads!) Dang. It was the longest 12 hours of my life!

So we started out at 630 am. I was driving with this dude I had never met before.... it took about 3 hours for the awkward small talk to be replaced with actual conversation. But he was a really nice dude and all.

Anyway, so there were 3 vans in a type of convoy trying to get to the 'states. The first van goes thru the border guard and it was no problem. We pull up and the dude at the window apparently doesnt like the looks of us or something....and tells us to pull over and come in. The first thing that goes thru my mind: Holy fuck! I never checked my purse to make sure that Im not carrying any weed or a pipe or anything. ( Mental note: Check this BEFORE you are being pulled over by the border guards...maybe ever before you actually leave your house in the future) The second thing thru my mind: I have a warrant or something out there for me...and this is the first time im hearing about it.

So we go into the US border office...and are greeted by a dude holding a FUCKING SNIPER RIFLE. He tells us in a gruff voice to sit in the end booth and someone will 'see to us'. I was worried I was going to get shot...especially when I started giggling uncontrollably when i saw the picture of Dick Cheney and GWB. Dick looks like hes about to eat a small child in the picture. All that is missing is froth around his mouth...
So some chick comes to talk to me:
BorderGuard : Where are you heading?
Juicy: Great Falls, MT
BG: What is your purpose?
Juicy: We are bringing up retired greyhounds
BG: How long do you plan on staying in the US?
Juicy: About 2 hours
BorderGuard : Where are you heading? Juicy: Great Falls, MT
BG: Whatre the dogs for?
Juicy: Pets... people adopt them as pets
BorderGuard : Where are you heading? Juicy: Great Falls, MT...

And it went on for 5 min...her asking the same questions over and over again. Like she was trying to catch me in a lie or something.... Fuck.

So we were let in...barely....and got to GF and picked up the greyhounds. All were extremely sweet and adorable. I think I called Jer and prolly didnt make any sense i was so excited. We loaded up our vehicle and I immediately took a shine to one little girl, named Shockwave Eva. She actually took quite a shine to me, too... she spent a large part of the next 7 hours sleeping with her head on my shoulder. Always licking me and wagging her tail... ( yeah, you know where this is going....)

So we hit the Canadian border with all our paperwork for the dogs in hand... and they refused us. Come back Monday, we were told. Our organizer started calling supervisors for customs in Ottawa and Vancouver to get us through. And so for 2 hours, we all had to sit in our vehicles with the dogs ( not letting them out to walk or for peepees because they were 'illegal'), until someone in ottawa decided that yes, we did pre-clear everyone for customs. They just made us pay GST for them.

I didnt get back to Calgary until 7 pm...and yes, by this time i had called Jer 3 times asking for his permission to bring back a little friend for Digit. He didnt actually say yes until the next morning. And we havent actually adopted her, we are just fostering her until she finds her permanent home.... [ yeah, im already working on changing that...]

So now I present to you, Shockwave Eva. ( Sorry its the best pic I have of her, shes pretty squirrelly)

Thats right Im the last one standing and another one bites the dust...

( I have Hollaback girl in my head. No surprise there. )

This is the film that has been making parking and living in my neighbourhood difficult. Its been a frickin member from Saved by the Bell and a fucking teenage witch. Not even anyone id consider stalking. Jerks. I can wait for it to be on TV and to suck.

So for the peeps who would like to try to change my banner, I think this is the picture Id like to use:



To the sucessful banner maker, I will send a very special Calgary Prize pack...consisting of things that makes Calgary the perfect hell hole that it is. Good Luck!

( ps. I still havent sent out Christmas cards-- so Im instead sending those lucky patrons Valentines Day presents...)

Yesterday I was at Safeway at 700 pm...and lemme tell you, there are some weeeird dudes hanging out in the 15 items or less line. From my brief survey of the 3 express lines I saw the following:

- A dude buying 12, one litre yogurts. What do you think he needs them for? Yogurt bath?

-A man buying nothing but candy... including gummi worms, chocolate, sours, etc...and a card about understanding someone's 'Sense of loss' ( healthy grieving, i guess)

- A man buying rubber gloves and an industrial sized roll of plastic wrap..uh, Plastic fetish?

- Another guy buying only butter and ben gay rubbing ointment. ( by this time I started wondering if Thursday was strange food fetish night at the grocery store...)

-A girl buying 10 bags of doritos....and a bunch of SlimFast diet bars.

- A chick giggling uncontrollably and buying chicken soup, tomatoes, zuchini, and mushrooms ( that was me)

Vote for TurdSandwich

Jer and I have recently changed our MSN names to TurdSandwich and Giant Douche. This makes me laugh uncontrollably. Must be the shortage of carbs or something. The lack of the doughy and the starchy and the delicious is making me simple. And hungry.

Today is going very very very slowly. I feel like Ive been here for weeks without a rest.... but really its just 3pm and Im not busy. I think Im going to start drawing pictures to pass the time.

I tried surfing with blogexplosion to kill a bit more of the day, but I kept getting linked to all these right wing and christian blogs. And Mommy blogs. Jesus. I really dont care what your 2 year old ate for dinner last night or how precious your son looked when he was sleeping. And then i have to sit and wait there for 17 seconds until I can click for the next link...only to be face to face with another fucking mommy blog. I think Im going to start my own blog surfing company that only people who drink, have sex with strangers, take their clothes off on the internet, or have horrible day jobs and need to read blogs about that kinda stuff to keep them sane, can apply for. I would write a letter to rejected blogs as follows:

Dear "MommyofTwo":

Your blog "Mommy's darling days" has been rejected from 'Juicy's Kickass Blogs' list for the following reasons:

- It is not Kickass
- It is not interesting to me.
- I dont care that it could be interesting to others
- A scan of your blog notes that you do not swear often or at all. This is fucking mandatory fuck face.
- I think you fucking suck balls
- If you actually did suck balls and then blogged about it, I would be interested and you might get added
- If you sucked balls, got paid for it to support your massive coke habit, and then blogged about it, I would recommend you for 'blog of the month'

Sincerely
Juicy A, Turd Sandwich

Fucking Fuck of a Fucker who fucking likes to say fuck and
Owner, Operator of Juicy's Kickass Blogs

Of course, I would have to know how to set something like that up. So maybe Ill just send the letters to random mommy bloggers and see how they respond.

Speaking of setting things up, does anyone know how to change my top banner like thingy? I think i need to change my blog up, but have no fucking idea how to do it. You'd be the blog of the month if you did-- and you wouldnt even need to blog about your coke whoring ways...

One bucket of meat, please

My trainer told me last night that Im in my 'muscle building-fat reducing' phase of my plan right now ( i have a plan?)...so I have to cut out carbs for the next 2 weeks and focus on protein. Yeah, so pretty much Im on fucking atkins right now...and that means that I cant make fun of people who do it anymore. And I cant make fun of people who drink that protein powder shit. Cuz I have to take it now,too. Bletch.

That bucket of meat sounds pretty tasty, though.

But, do you know how fucking tasty carbs are? Really fucking tasty.

I dont have a lot else to say. I have to go to this 'New Developments in Family Law' conference today. I really hope that its going to be like a pep rally...with strobe lights and people tumbling and 'Pump Up the Jam' blasting. In reality, it will likely be some old guy mummbling about new case law and stale finger sandwiches being served. Which I wont be able to eat...because they have carbs.

My new acting class starts tonight. I think its going to be kickass.

There sure are a lot of guys wearing vests in here.

They are filming a movie called "Holiday in Handcuffs" in my neighbourhood. I fucking hate this movie and i havent even found out what it is about. What I do know, is that all the roads in my neighbourhood have been blocked off, there is no parking for a 10 block radius. And there were some dudes leaning on my car this morning, drinking coffee. Fucking retards. Im really happy the city gave a permit to this company to fuck me over for the next week.

Ok, I feel better now.

This weekend was filled with highs, lows, and creamy centres. On Saturday, Jer and I went to the wave pool and, other than the dad's having weekend access visits, we were the oldest people there. But it was still fucking fun. We also went drinking later that night, watched some local bands who were pretty kick ass ( or I was too drunk to realise they sucked....the title of this post I decided on while i was drunk and keenly observant of the people around me).

Then there was a hockey game or something on Saturday. I dunno. I think ive blocked it out. I kept thinking it could be worse... I could be a Leafs fan.. ( sorry J-Mo)

This is a cure for the monday morning blahs. High Five!

Hardly workin'

Its the kinda day where you dont feel like working-- instead you want to take pictures of what you would look like if you were standing on your head.

Thats my new shirt-- I call it 'the go-to' shirt. Because its a party in plaid.

Watching the clock isnt making it go any faster.

I am using Jedi Mind tricks to convince myself i dont need to work-- These are not the orange files you are looking for.

Three more hours to the weekend...

The Hot stays hot...and the cool stays cool.

Three days ago I was seranading Jer with the theme song for the McDLT, and today, I find this page with some of my fave 80s commercials.


(yes thats Jason Alexander)

Shit. I totally forgot about all those 'dont do drugs' PSAs that were so amusing...and apparently ineffectual to me.

Anyways, its a good way to waste some time, and then get the lyrics to 'Zack the Lego Maniac' in your head.

Furthermore: A picture of me wearing giant raver shoes, 2 sweaters, a fur hat, and dress pants. Not so weird if I was trying out for Beauty and the Geek, however, this is what I wore to work the other day. And yes, Im in the process of doing a rockstar kick.



I dont actually know why im posting it. Maybe just to keep in your minds that Im not only a total nerd, Im also a glory whore who likes people to look at pictures of me. Or not.

HNT: Shady

So, as requested, here is a fully naked picture of myself...

Oh, sorry, looks like I can only post the top half. Technical difficulty.

Actually, this pic is inspired by the cover of Gwen Stefani's new album...just without the wig and fancy photoshopping techniques.

For more HNT-- you know to go here

Stop looking at my zit

Im sick of Blogger referring to me as someone with 'old blogger'. You are the idiot who wont let me switch...stop acting like im a second class citizen!

Im super unmotivated lately. I think because my blogging energy is going into my food diary that im supposed to keep to see how many calories im eating. If you ever want the joy to be drained from your life, start keeping track of little facts like the 1/2 teaspoon of mayonnaise on your sammich is 97 calories. Or the 20 minutes you did on the elliptical only burned half of that granola bar you ate for breaky.

On a totally superficial note, I have a giant zit on my face and i really think it affects my work. Im always wondering if someone is staring at it when they are talking to me. It could cost someone if I made a zit-phobia based error. Maybe i should go home.

Speaking of superficial, someone sent me this:



She's right. Like I totally should spend my day at the salon and stop working. I should make Jer go to college.

My fave line: Im not saying boys should have the life of work and distress because they are humans but they need to work to have a good life because obviously their wives wont be bringing home the money.

Amen, sister.

Urf

I smoked waaay too much weed yesterday and now i have the attention span and brain capacity of a sea anemone.

I couldnt remember what I was doing in the middle of signing my own name. ( which is just 3 letters, actually)

I forgot my assistant's name

I just forgot what i was about to type too.

itsa hockey day in canada

which is why its only 1149pm and im derrunk at home andwatching dances with wolves on tbs

stupid flames stupud stupud stuppid

have to go and ruin another perfectly fine hockey day in canada by being dumb fucks

oh, which reminds me, jers team ( that he coaches) won their minor hockey championship for hockey week ( its actually a week, it just all is on tv for a day, hence hockey day) so they will have their pics in the calgary newspapers tomorrow. prettycool, huh? yaay stars

if only the stupid flames hadnt won over the sweet blessed wonderful and beautiful Oilers this would had been the best hockey day ever

(note: this is actually the second only hockey day that i can remember...and bu the way, shawn horcoff got a goal and he has a brown and a blue eye...ever so cute i just wannaa nibble him.....

No lurking zone

Its de-lurking week-- which means that if you are someone who comes on by, reads my inner most exciting and totally not stupid thoughts, and doesnt leave a comment, yeah, bitch, Im calling you out.

And I have the ability to start calling you out from the miracle that is Stat counter: Like today someone was here from Finland. Finland! How could you not leave me a comment? And the person looking for Conquistador Painting on google? Have you not yet met Senior Juan? ( although the 3 people googling Irina's email address...please dont comment if you just want to see my ass)

In return, Im going to go de-lurk myself.

( am I the only one who keeps picturing the Hamburgler when i type 'lurk'?)

Thats the sound of my panties hitting the floor

I watched Stranger than Fiction on the weekend and yeah, I really dug it. I think my fave part was the strange relationship between Harold Crick ( Will Ferrell-- the dude who hears someone narrate his life and informs him hes going to die soon) and Anna ( Maggie Gyllenhal-- who steals every scene shes in as the Anarchist Baker).

Ive been thinking a lot about the scene where they finally get it on. Harold bought a guitar and learned to play a few songs, when he goes to Anna's house to get to know her better, he picks up a guitar he finds and starts to play this song. ( I later googled it...its "Whole Wide World" by Wreckless Eric) Anna goes from being amused by Harold, to Thwack! her panties hitting the floor when he starts to sing to her this song.

Ive gone over to guys' places and had them sing me songs on the accoustic guitar hoping for this result-- and it didnt work. One dude actually started playing me the Dave Matthew's band which, if you know Juicy, just made me annoyed and wanted me to get the fuck out of there. But i see it all the time. A dude bringing his guitar camping and singing songs to some chick trying to get into her pants. Casually mentioning to my friends at a bar that hes really into singing to girls in the morning before breakfast (barf!gag!).

So now a question: Does this work? Anyone had this happen to them? And if yes, which song did they sing/was sung to them?

(ps. I did date a guy in Saskatoon just because he sang 'You've got to Hide your love away' by the Beatles at a house party...although i dont think he actually heard my panties hitting the floor because he was singing it to someone else]

Tylenol Cold and Sinus is the new crack

Fucking blogger has been censoring me for the last 3 days-- it keeps stopping me from posting anything. Fuckhead.

Im on some serious cold medication right now and im having problems typing. It took me 3 tries to spell 'fuck'. I almost sent an email to a client this morning that suggested she and her husband try medication. I meant to write mediation. That woulda been a little innapropriate. Funny, but innaprropriate.

innnnaaaappppropppriate. just fucking double and tripple allll the connnsannannts whennn i cannnt type.

Speaking of drugs, I seriously feel stoned right now.

On Friday night me and Jer went over to a friends' house and played his Wii. Fuck was that fun. However, I quickly realised that the ahem 'mediation' I was on that night made me very twitchy and irritable when it came to trying the golf game...but turned me into frickin mike tyson when i played the boxing. Maybe thats why you dont hear about Tiger Woods' blow habit in the news.

I still really want a Wii, just dont expect to have me play that golf game,man.

I should go to the gym, but i dont think i should operate and heavy machinery and that elliptical could be dangerous. C'est Dangereux!

[this is funny because on New Years that was the name of the DJ who was spinning at the bar we were at and he kept saying his name repeatedly in the middle of songs... C'est Dangereux! C'est Dangereux! C'est Dangereux! C'est Dangereux! I havent been so annoyed since those Head On! Commercials. Apply directly to the Forehead! Apply directly to the Forehead!Apply directly to the Forehead!Apply directly to the Forehead!Apply directly to the Forehead!Apply directly to the Forehead!Apply directly to the Forehead!Apply directly to the Forehead!Apply directly to the Forehead!Apply directly to the Forehead!Apply directly to the Forehead!

Yeah. Im out.

Juicy and the Geek

Okay Im going to start the post by commenting on the Oilers game last night: sorry.

It was pretty much the most fucked up game ever...up 4-1, then down 5-4, the Stars' goalie being hit in the face by a puck and going down like a load of bricks ( man was it funny...but only after i knew he wasnt hurt) a missed open net shot by the Stars from 2 feet away, a miraculous goal from sweet baby Ales Hemsky with 2 seconds left in the game, then a shoot out loss. Man. I said it last year, Oilers hockey will be the death of me.

Ales Hemsky goal vs Dallas after Stefan missed empty net


Okay, so now about other stuff.

On Wednesday Jer and I watched the two hour premiere of Beauty and the Geek. Surprisingly, I didn t want to kill many of the chicks thaaaat much...but even more surprisingly, Mr I-hate-all-forms-of-reality-shows-that-dont-involve-hockey was totally into it. He was all excited during the show...and then admitted to me yesterday that he thought about Beauty and the Geek all day.

I went to the website and took the 'are you a geek or beauty' test and, to no ones surprise, I am considered "pretty geeky" and am apparently only a few steps away from owning my own trekker uniform.

My fave part of the show, though, is guessing which of the geeks will score with a 'beauty' by the end of the show. My money is on comic book guy and Harvard grad guy.

Greetings, and a meme

I received Patrick's awesomely boring card yesterday. It was so good. Apparently if he eats too much, he has problems sitting down. In the spirit of his card, I will do the meme he tagged me with on the 26th of December:

Tag of Four

Four jobs I've had:
1. Telemarketer ( I lasted a week)
2. Pizza Hut Hostess ( I lasted 6 hours)
3. Person hired to put little number stickers on files for a doctors office ( I did this at home, usually stoned and watching Teletubbies)
4. Cashier at a swimming pool ( also usually stoned)

Four places I've lived :

From west to east...
1. Vancouver
2. Edmonton
3. Calgary
4. Saskatoon

Four favourite foods:

1. Fried chicken
2. Hotdogs
3. Soup
4. Sushi

Four movies I could watch over and over:

1. Trainspotting
2. Run Lola Run
3. Shawn of the Dead
4. Team America: World Police

Four TV shows I enjoy:

1.Top Model
2. Project Runway
3. Degrassi: The Next Generation (shuddup)
4. South Park

Four places I've traveled:

1. San Pedro, Belize
2. Monte Carlo, Monaco
3. Edinburgh, Scotland
4. Amsterdam, Holland

Four places I'd like to visit:

1. Las Vegas, NV
2. Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
3. Tokyo, Japan
4.Panama City, Panama ( I might even go there this year)

Four websites I go to daily:

1. Engrish
2. Dialog Blog
3. Edmonton Oilers Homepage
4. Toothpaste for dinner

Four people I tag to do this list (if any of them will do it):

[ I think all the people i would tag have already done this... so i guess im hooped]

2006: A year, a blog, and a lot of hockey...

JANUARY 2006

I made a resolution to be less lazy.

I was too lazy to follow thru with it. There was an election in Canada and the bad guys won.

FEBRUARY

I started going to the gym again. Something about the increasing size of my ass, im guessing. I think it also had something to do with the fact that i planned a trip to the Dominican in March and i didnt want to be the fat, pasty Canadian on the beach.

The Olympics started-- I was pretty blah about everything except for mens hockey. When we didnt medal, I became pretty bitter about it. [Note: 2006-- The year Juicy spent waaaay tooo much time being worked up about hockey...you'll see this again in a few months.]

MARCH

I went to the Dominican for a week. I drank. I tanned. I drank some more.
Awesome. I then proceeded to talk about that one week for the next 3.



This was a funny joke... until Jer's mom saw it and told us that no, it wasnt funny. ( i also had to have a conversation about wedding planning with her...so yeah, I guess it really wasnt that funny after all)


APRIL

The Oilers began their now infamous playoff run. I was obsessed. There were drunk depressed posts when they lost...and happy drunk gloating posts when we won.


MAY

Playoffs continued with the Oil beating the Red Wings, then Sharks, then Ducks. The Flames of Calgary lost their series. I tried not to celebrate ( but man oh man was it hard!) The Oilers won the Western Conference for me on my birthday. Wasnt that nice of them?

I also celebrated the fact that I wasnt swayed by the popular opinion of Calgary and didnt bet on Calgary owned Brother Derek in the Kentucky Derby. Instead I bet on Barbero. If you were at the track in Calgary that day, did you hear that one person who was cheering? Yeah, that was me. $426 big ones!


I turned 29. Meh.

JUNE

No, we didnt win the Stanley Cup. Shuddup.

Then, to make it worse, Chris Pronger broke up with me.

I was also in a minor car accident-- where a slight bump apparently caused 1500 in damages and injured two people who werent even in the other car. Huh. People suck.

I hated June, apparently.

JULY

I began taking random pictures of my life and posting them. I quickly bored of it.

The July 01 weekend found me on mushrooms yelling "what are YOUR plans for the long weekend?" to people on the phone, in public, and to my dog. I also went to Kelowna for a few days.


The Digit took and barely passed a doggie obedience class. Thats my boy!

I began 'Irina-gate' where after posting and ridiculing some spam i got, I received hate mail, emails from dudes wanting to see crotch shots, and, sadly, no actual response from Irina.

AUGUST

I began linking funny websites. I quickly bored of it.

I drank a lot of mint juleps.

SEPTEMBER

I went to Winterpeg for a wedding. It rained and snowed. I spent the time staying warm by drinking heavily for 4 days.

I began an acting class. Digit began a flyball class. Neither of us has been discovered in our respective fields yet.

OCTOBER

I fought cancer with my boobs ( high five to Itchy, who also did! We rule!)



Although i was filled with great ideas, this is the costume I wore for Halloween.

NOVEMBER

I used spam titles for posts. Thats some funny shit man.

I started talking about hockey again. Im sorry.

DECEMBER

I was really busy at work. It sucked. People bitched alot. Then I fell down some stairs.

I made a resolution to be less lazy.

[See JANUARY]

...it ends with a 7

I vaguely recall telling some guy that was hitting on me at New Years eve that its the only difference from last year to this year. Huh. This is what this fill in the blank meme type thingy suggested:

Your New Year's Resolutions

1) Get a pet parrot 2) Eat more cheese 3) Travel to Alaska 4) Study japanese pop culture 5) Get in shape with dodgeball

What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be?

I like cheese.

Im back at work and totally not accustomed to being awake before 11 am anymore. Its strange that 10 days off returns me to my natural sloth like junky hobo state of being where I spend the whole day in my bathrobe watching the Flavor of Love 2 marathon and trying to kick a drug hangover from the previous night. ( which, yes, is what i did yesterday)

I still am going to the 2006 year in review post... i think as long as i do it by the end of the week ill be good. Maybe that SHOULD be my resolution-- stop being lazy. Meh, maybe not.