As God as my witness... I will eat pancakes this year!!

Those of you outside the Calgary area may not know what is meant by the word "stampede". Yes, it is something involving cattle being put into a corral or something about cows running awry...but here in Alberta, it also means something more. It means 10 days of hard drinking any type of beer, shooter, cooler that passes your lips [although you arent much of a drinker], 2-stepping with strange similarily drunk males at 4 am [although you hate country music], and soaking up your hungover-didnt-get-to-bed-until-6-am stomach with greasy sausages and pancakes in the morning [although you arent much of a partier]. With all this drunken partying, its not surprising that pretty much anyone can get laid during stampede. Oh yeah, and there is some sort of rodeo going on too.

The adage for stampede is you drink triples, see double, and act single. Well, as I often say, Im a slut, but im not a cheater...so it appears that i wont be joining the literal orgy that will be happening in my fair city for the next week, which im quite ok with. I think over the past 2 stampedes I scored enough to satisfy me. Im not one to brag, but i hooked up with 2 different guys in my first stampede experience [one being dumbass...who i shoulda turfed when stampede was over instead of dating for 4 more months and letting him ruin my life....however, i digress] and with 4 different guys last year. What can i say, people get drunk, messy...and horny.

This year i have a new plan for Stampede: I will actually make it to the fairgrounds and see some sort of cowboy/rodeo type thing...and i will make it to a goddamned pancake breakfast. Let me explain the great pancake breakfast of stampede-- it usually starts at an ungodly early time...like 645 am...and lines up fast. Like if you arent in line by 700, you are prolly going to be waiting until 800 for those 2 little sausages and 2 fat blobs of dough. By about 730, it can be really sunny and warm too...and they will naturally be blasting some horrible twangy country music. Doesnt sound too bad? Wrong. You forgot: you will horribly hung over [as, yes, i am right now] and excessively tired. For these reasons, I have never made it to one of those damn breakfasts. The most amusing part? You will feel like absolute shit after you eat the pancakes...likely puke or have bad diarrea...but then will turn to your nearest compadre and ask "When do you want to start drinking again?".

Ah Stampede. Why must only come once a year? Then again, I really dont like pancakes at all.