Crazy? Need a Lawyer? Call 1-800-Juicy!

Wow, 49 comments... colour me impressed. I assumed it was long coming, but my beloved Jer was not too happy about people on the interweb looking at my panties. So just when the HNT-ing was getting saucy, it will likely need to go tame again.

Work has been very weird again lately. A lot of nutbars calling looking for legal representation. Yesterday, one dude called and asked how many trials i had won...because he needs a winner and he will only retain a "winner". I explained that although i have had many clients, i usually settle out of court on civil matters, so i have, technically never "won" a trial.... well. to this guy, this meant i was, in fact, a loser. I encouraged him to call lawyer referral and to request a winner there.

There has also been a lot of people who have been calling with really stupid lawsuits they plan to start. Like against the cable company because their cable was out and they missed a Flames game [Personally, I think the cable company should be rewarded for that. Boo Flames!]...so they want 10,000 in damages for mental anguish. Yeah. Thats going to happen. People seriously injured in car accidents dont get 10,000 for mental anguish... not losers who have to get off their fat asses and go to a neighbourhood pub to watch their crappy hockey team.

My number one favourite crazy guy right now is this dude who came in with an Intellectual Property issue with patents [ i dont do that type of law BTW, so there alone i wasnt interested] but quickly went from his legal issues....to the fact that hes a "numerical logic" expert and that he predicted 9-11, the Bali bombings, the bombing in the London tube and also a bombing that was supposed to happen in Calgary last week, but the bombers knew he was on to them, so they changed their plans. He claims to be on a first name basis with Condoleeza Rice, George Bush Sr. [ but not Jr. because they had a falling out] and the Canadian Prime Minister.

So while this dude is going on and on and on about this... im just sitting there with a dumb grin on my face trying to get him out of the office. I tell him that the consultation is over and that i have another appointment, and Im sorry that i cant continue to listen to his story. Oh, no worries. He pulls out a 100 page document and tosses it on my desk. He has the whole story here with him in this paper... the government doesnt need this copy, so i can keep it.

Yes, Ive read it. The first page begins by explaining how everything that has the number 10 in it, somehow explains George Bush Sr. Everything with a 3, revolves around terrorists. He had to move because his address had two "3s" in it.... [and yes, it goes on from there]

So, back to trying to be a somewhat professional person, i tell him i dont do patent law so i cant help him. He seems to understand and accept this answer and leaves. Since Tuesday, he has called about 15 times to check to see if i changed my mind. Yesterday, he "stopped by" twice to see me.

I think im going to tell him that i live at the intersection of 13 and 13... those 3s will label me as a terrorist for sure and he may leave me alone.
However, it may also let him know where he could 'stop by' to see me on the weekend.

Speaking of such, Im almost all moved out of my apartment. The final moving will happen Sunday... likely when hung over [although i think i always move hung over, stoned on pot, or on a big comedown from a coke binge].

Alright, back to work. The crazies of Calgary need me.

PS: To the guy who said i wasnt a winner.... check it out!