Punch-outs and Jack-offs

So I've really been lazy when its come to the old KB lately [thats kickboxing for all you newbies]. I useda go 3 0r 4 times a week and was getting pretty tough...and even fairly buff. You coulda used my stomach for a cutting board. However, its easy to work out every day when you have no job and really nothing much else to do, save for masterbating [and how!] and watching Dr. Phil. Yesterday, despite being uber busy at work, I decided that i was going to make it to KB. [and yes I left early enough to squeeze in a little jacking off, too.]

Wow. Am i ever out of shape already. I mean, I kept up with the rest of the class, i wasnt even huffing and puffing....but i useda be the superstar of the group. They once asked me to start competing, even. Now, it looks like it wont happen.

A highlight [or maybe lowlight...] of the class was when we were sparring. I have fairly long arms and legs so i can really stand far away from my partner/opponent when Im jabbing and doing crescent/front kicks....which is why I take my opponent so off guard when i throw a left hook or a body dig up close. Yesterday, I totally surprised the other chick. Surprised? Is that the right word? No, I think i mean injured. Yeah, I totally injured the other chick. I threw a right body dig into her abdomen and successfully winded her. She fell back and started gasping. Ding! Ding! Ding! Your winner by knock-out... Million Dollar Juicy.

At first i was a little in awe of my strength and skill....until the instructor said she had only been doing KB for about 2 weeks and this was the first time she sparred. So Im just a bully. For the rest of the class [and yes, my opponent was ok. She just got up and walked around for a bit and was fine after 10 min.], I was referred to as "the brawler". Apparently people normally dont get so violent and worked up when they are just supposed to be practicing. I said "Hey, you think I was worked up here? You shoulda seen me when i was masterbating!".