Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Juicy's American Citizenship Application

Its totally busy here today...its nice outside...and im getting increasingly annoyed with clients. I usually laugh at people who suggest this, but for today, if it will get me a short week of work and let me play outside... I want Alberta to separate from Canada and join the US.

And Im not alone: The Separation Party of Alberta Of course, they are crazy, anti-nationalist ( and usually anti-francaphone), and "christian" ( i use that term in the fundamentalist sense) and I just want to sleep in tomorrow. But for 2 days off, hell, Im in.

Those of you who arent that familiar with Alberta...we are kinda the Texas of Canada. We have lotsa oil, lotsa money, and lotsa people who think that although we are just a part of Canada, we are the "best" part. ( not to insult those in Texas by comparing them to Alberta...sorry dudes)

Most people in Alberta are staunch supporters of right wing politicians ( the exception being my beloved Edmonton which is the only place that votes for more centre-left parties. Oh Etown how i love you.), "family values" (whatever the fuck that means), and owning guns. When I lived in BC and Saskatchewan (both very left wing politically) I was constantly made fun of for being from Alberta. The usual joke was "Hey! Where's your gun?!"

Many Albertans believe that Canada "owes" them something. That they keep Canada running, but see nothing in return. I admit I am a federalist. I have no problem with Alberta sending shitloads of oil revenues to Ottawa so that people in other less wealthy provinces can also go to school, go to the doctors, and afford gasoline. Why? Because its a country, and thats what parts of a country do. Unlike Quebec that wanted to leave over cultural and language differences... we are just in it for the money. Alberta is a jerk. Hes a bully. Give me what i want or im holding back the cash. It reminds me of dead beat dads who purposively take a job with shittier wages just to pay less child support. [ although we have ways of dealing with you jackasses]....

Fuck, lookit me rant. Anyhoo. I am about to send in my membership for separation. I am declaring myself American and I am sleeping in tomorrow. ( but sorry guys, Im bringing Canada's beer with me)

4 comments:

Cindy said...

The other day a few Canadians were in the gas station and one was like, "Eh, look, a 30 pack of Coors light for $14.99! That's like $40 in Canada, eh!" And the older guy had to tell him there was less alcohol in American beer. Although apparently Wisconsin beer has more alcohol than southern state's beers. We'll have to take a survey. "Name, state, percentage of alcohol in your beer."

But god bless the guy that decided that the last THURSDAY in November and not Friday or Monday would be Thanksgiving.

JuicyA said...

What is Wisconsin's Beer? Is it 'Old Milwaukee' or something?
My fave beer here is 5.5% (Grasshopper...brewed in Calgary..one of the few redeeming qualities this place has)

And, BTW, I dont say "eh"... :P (unless Im being a smartass) I think thats an Ontario thing.

Cindy said...

Old Milwaukee, sure, don't see it much, all Miller is brewed here, Pabst, Leinenkugel's is up north (I'm not sure where their markets are, but I hear the Germans like it), Sprecher and some other small breweries that I can't really think of right now cuz it's late. They don't call it Brew City for nuttin.

I can't really make fun of the "eh"s because I say "hey?" a lot at the end of my sentences. They just talked in perfect stereotypical Canadian.

Anonymous said...

Fascinating intro to the west to a Ontarian who's never stayed there apart from overnight.