Omg! Technology!

I somehow figured out how to blog on my iPhone. I don't need to rely on Twitter to drunk post any longer. I feel free!

Tomorrow I start my new job at the fancy and scary new firm. It is both scary and fancy. I'm really worried that I won't be able to handle it.

It's also fucking stampede right now. I have no interest in cowboys and drunk chicks. Pancakes? Yes.

I also have a black eye right now as a result of a broken nose. Last week was Sled Island music festival and while watching this band called These Arms Are Snakes a microphone stand was kicked off stage and hit me in the face. Yeah. Rock n roll motherfuckers.

How perfect for the first day of work.

Aftermath of a stoned weekend

As you may have guessed by my last post, I was super fucking stoned on Saturday. Like really really Amsterdam style stoned.

I started with the weed at 10 am while gardening and stopped at some point before I ate half a large pizza which I covered with cocktail shrimp and artichokes because i was that stoned. Its good to act like you are still in college. And have a high metabolism. One thing I have noticed about my current chronic stylings, I sure eat alot. I dont recall ever being that bad with the munchies, yet now I am inhaling large and retarded pizzas at 430 in the morning.

I was so stoned that I didnt know who anyone was. I thought Jer was hitting on some chick, then i realised it was his old roomate. Who i know. And i like. I was all giving her death looks from across the room for nothing.

Work is still pretty brutal. Now that I am learning which clients are not coming with me, I am starting to get a little bitchy at the soon to be ex partners ( hereinafter the "STBEPs"). One client ( who I actually am quite happy is not coming with me)was tattling on me to my STBEPs that i never returned all her phone calls and I had no passion for her file. Ok, bitch. We'll see how much passion he has for you when you send 14 emails in one weekend that all just complain about non-law related things. See, Im a little bitchy about it.

I am going to visit family this weekend in Etown. The STBEPs are having a pot-luck party. Guess who wasnt invited. Oh well. I got an invite to a "garden party" at the new partner (I guess he would be STBNP)'s place. Haha no pot lucks here: its a motherfucking catered affair.

Furthermore, Im leaving here at 200 to go get a pedicure. Yesterday I left early and came in late so I could get my car detailed. It smells clean.

And now, Stoned Post 09

maybe im just really stoned, but this is Jer's winning comments to his friend Todd. Todd came in 2nd in a hockey pool. I present to you, "Comments to Todd":

2nd places, great job todd! you gotta feel good about that result - you put the work in and come in second - put it on your resume! way to go big gunner. a true heavy weight in the officepools arena. all hail todd second place is locked up and todd holds the key. fuckin rights bud. YES!!! second! all of todds hopes and dreams culminating in this one instance, a pefect syncronicy of events colliding in perfect fashion for todd to become the premier owner of the second poisiiton place on the sloth pool totem of 2009 playoff year. and how did todd do it? well i'm glad you asked. #1 being a fag, #2 see number 1. Way to go todd. Good on ya, and keep up the good work. if this was formula one you would be in great shape for the seaon moving forward - think about that bud? you'd have 10 points in a 1000 point year, sweet! i'm just so proud of the work you put in. and your personality, its a good one. nice. and good. and where will being nice and good land a guy? i'm glad you asked - second! that's where! YES!!!

[ spelling left 'as is' for authenticity]

Jer has a friend whose nickname is "the Desert Cobra". I kept telling him that with a nickname THAT good, he should get a tattoo of it.

Look before you leper

I am an office pariah. People stop talking when i enter a room. I hear my name being said in other offices...usually followed by laughing. Yeah, its that bad. If this was high school, Id be eating my lunch in the bathroom. Or hanging out with the school nurse.

I am a leper.

All I can do is sit in my office with the door closed and whenever a client calls, I talk to them, tell them im leaving, they tell me they are coming with me, and then I have to tell the bosses. Who then look at me like i just ate the last cookie. Or washed my socks with the last of the drinking water. And then i go back into my office.

They are already telling people on the phone that i dont work here. Its really really going to be a long three weeks.

dont call it a comeback

shit is changing. and i dont just mean global warning-- which, by the way, seems to be fucking my shit up really bad these days, I mean fuck, June 06 and its supposed to snow right now?

anyhoo, im switching jobs and shall be leaving my happy nest of laziness in the northwest of calgary for a hardcore, king shit lawfirm downtown. i am basically being called up from the farm team in minnesota to play in the big leagues. Im scared and Im also excited. Oh, and I feel like the world's biggest asshole to my friends who I am leaving behind.

On a good note for the blogosphere( if it still exists in the land of twitter and facebook and blackberry messenger) I will no longer be afraid of being 'dooced' ( which is why i stopped blogging to begin with... a too high tech savvy partner plus me blogging between the hours of 830 and 500 was a little too risk-ay) As i need to take the bus to said big league job, I plan on using that time to blog. (Does anyone know if iphone has an app for that? im getting one from the new kids and it would make the life easy)

ill get into where ive been for the last 2 months later...for now. yeah. let the games begin

Actually Thursday

( although I wrote that today was 'Sunday' on a file... isnt the lack of recognition of the days of the week a sign of dementia?)

So here are some things that have been making me angry lately and Ive been welling up the sweet sweet anger inside for some time.

1. HULU. I love watching first run premium tv show programs online. Its totally my thing. Big Love Season 3? Done. United States of Tara? You bet!. Except some channels decide to only release their online episodes to some fucking stupid website called "hulu.com". And fucking Hulu only is available for people in the United States. Period. Full fucking stop. I have only been able to watch two episodes of Dollhouse...because fucking FOX only uses Hulu. And everytime I think I found a site that will let me watch it....Bam. Hulu.com is only available for people in the United States of america.

2. Commercials with Babies that talk. We went throught the phase of talking babies in the 1990s. I dont necessarily hate when they have babies with just voice overs ( a la the whole Look Who's Talking genre) but when they have crappy animation showing the babies' lips moving. Fuck. REally fucking stupid. Like fuuuuccccking stooopid. Its not cute, its not funny. Its not even creepy. Its plain old fucking stupid. So stop.

3. People blaming everything on the economy: Yes, its shit. Its shit for everyone... Except for people in Calgary. Its really not hit that bad here yet people are using it as an excuse for everything to not paying their bills or why they need to take a longer lunch break.

[ ooh... brief anti-anger intermission: My radiostation is playing PennyWise. I havent heard them on the radio since 1995]

4. A certain hockey team that may not make the playoffs again. No Im not mad at them. I love them unconditionally. Im mad that the other teams arent playing shittier.

5. I have my period. That should just go without saying. It also leads into the next one...

6. Im on vacation in 19 days and I still look like the "before" picture. I need to look like the "after" picture before i start wearing around a bikini. In the words of Andy Samburg's Cathy, ACCCCK! Frustration Squiggle!

7. The church that is by my house with weird signs that don't make sense. "Touch and Feel the taste of the Lord" WTF? Im supposed to eat him? "God Touches Back"? ( is that like Baby got back? What else does he touch? Does it cost extra?-- Am i now going to HELL for writing that?)

Ahhh, That was therapeutic. Ive been angry for a while about that shit. Expecially the Baby thing.

Tomorrow: Thing that make me happy.

Thursday

I think every day is a Thursday, why is that? Maybe the idea that Friday is mere hours away appeals to me..but why then dont i think its friday? Dunno, man.

Yes, it has been infinately long since I posted. Not much has happened that cannot be put into quotes of 145 characters or less ( subtle plug for the twitter -->)

Im really going to try harder to be amusing on the interweb again. Hopefully this doesnt mean taking my clothing off.