Monday, June 23, 2008

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker and Tits.

Ah, George Carlin. RIP. May you use the 7 words in heaven as you never were allowed on earth.

Honestly, I think Tits is the only word that i dont use in regular rotation here on the blog. I must rectify that in old George's memory. Ill try to start slippin it in when I can. (haha. Slipping in and out "tits"? That means Id be tittyfucking.)

So I went to the Virgin fest this weekend and it kicked my ass. Pretty fuckin awesome. As expected, STP put on a great show. I had heard rumours that Scott had been acting up and there were already concerns about his sobreity...but luckily they held it together long enough for me to seem them. Wow. It only took 15 years.

As usual whenever I see celebs up close I am amazed on how tiny they are. Seriously, that guy was prolly 100 pounds soaking wet. This links to a video someone took of them on Saturday. Pretty damned cool, man.

Speaking of tits*, the Flaming Lips were surreal. I have never wished I was on mushrooms in public in all my life. Between Wayne Coyne's hamsterball, the flashlight holding teletubbies and all the balloons and confetti, it may have been the oddest show I have ever seen. I was really happy on the amount of people that seemed to know the words of their songs (and not just the ones that are commercials). Sing along to Yoshimi battles the Pink Robots here with me and my Calgarian kin. (*there were tits,actually ... three naked chicks jumped on stage with them)

Despite being one of the first acts of the day, the Fratellis also had a great lively show. Maybe its just the scottish accent which always melts me, but I really enjoyed them and have since bought their album and a have a Tshirt on order on Ebay. (no Vfest videos on youtube, sorry) I also ran into them later in teh show and told the drummer that i heart them.

The suprise of the day was Face to Face, who were the sole punk act of the 'Fest. They put on a great set with lotsa energy and made some jabs at the people who were just there waiting for Three Days Grace (aka band that plays on commercial radio and had a legion of teen fans there) to play.

Most people who would blog about VFest would also complain that the beer garden and piss lines were too long. Neither really affected me. I was too excited about the music to get wasted and miss everything.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Ways to get hated

Post this on the Hamlet2 website

June 19, 2008 1:13 PM | juicya writes:
Ok-- first it sucks that because Im Canadian I cannot see the redline trailer... who knew that not having a US drivers would get me in the end

second-- dear Jesus Freaks: Obviously this movie isnt for you. Pizz off. Shouldnt you be sucking Mel Gibson's cock right about now?


I have realised something: I think I am a Coldplay fan. I know a lot of people hate on them for various reasons and people who, generally, love Radiohead think they are a big rip off. Ive never thought that. In fact, I think i actually like them. I have never purchased an album, but know the lyrics to most of their songs and really cant seem to stop singing Violet Hill.

Im sorry if this changes your opinion of me. If so, please also feel free to suck Mel Gibson's cock.

Im going to Virgin Festival with my sister this weekend. She is sort of a virgin, music wise. I think the only concert she has seen was Reba MacIntyre back in the 1990s. Hopefully Scott Weiland wont be picked up for Heroin use in the next 48 hours. Im also excited to see the Fratellis and Flaming Lips. Woot Woot.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

In case you are keeping track

I am cheering for:

1. France at World Cup

2. Jesse on the Bachelorette

3. That blonde chick on Shot of Love II

These are things which i have been asked more than five times in the last day. (Note: 4 of the 5 questions were about World Cup. I picked them because my grandma is from there and Poland is not very good. No one actually asked me about Shot of Love, I just really like that show and Jer is "dissapointed" that I like to watch it)

This weekend I went to a Bat Mitzvah with a theme of 'A night at the Roxbury' (yeah-- that head bobbing movie) It was fun, yet, unlike the movie there were no references to doing cocaine. Likely because most of the attendees were 13. I tried my best to get shitface wasted... I only managed to get kinda drunk.

I wore the Fucking Sweet dress, yet did not manage to take any pictures of me wearing it. ( I felt bloaty, to be honest...and did not want to remember it on my fatness)

Italy just scored. Boo-urns.

I am going to Kelowna for the long know what that means? Yep. More bikini pictures of yours truly.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I am 40 ft tall and I eat clouds

I just had a crazy person in my office. Never to be outdone, while he was telling me his life story, my notes were not actually transcribing what he was saying, but writing random things (such as the title above) I also wrote "please stop please stop oh for the love of humanity please stop"

I just ate some cold pizza. It was pretty dried out and i couldnt actually tell what kind it was. Pineapple maybe? I think that was a red pepper. I think I now know why I was told to eat it. Mental note: Dont trust a man with his own pool cue, or people giving away free pizza.

Yesterday I went to the dentist. Look, no cavities. Oh, except for the fact that I will likely need some major orthodontic shit done ( imagine a dentist with cartoon dollar signs in his eyes)all is good. I really dont think I have the ego to get braces at 31. Seriously.

Yesterday my sweet heavenly sewing machine arrived. I am going to the fabric store today to get some shit to start sewing. Maybe this new hobby will quell my current hobby-- becoming really involved with Shot of Love II.

I bought a fucking sweet outfit today. FUCKIN SWEET.

I blasted this post out in less than 3 minutes. Booyah

Monday, June 09, 2008

Can you Fly me over yesterday?*

Ok. So I planned to post more today but got stuck doing work. This whole 'working' thing has really gotten in the way of my bloggin, procrastinating, purchasing things i do not need on the internet, and reading about celebrity gossip. Bullshit.

So heres what else i planned to write earlier today:

I hada dream last night that me and Andre Benjamin were fighting Zombies. I was all kicking ass and impaling sharpened staircase railings in their eyes( naturally) and then all of a sudden, Rose McGowan told me that Mrs. Dingleberry (no, not her real name...but it should be) a very annoying client of mine was on the phone and wanted to know if her husband's lawyer had called. Gawd. I can even have kickass zombie dreams without work fucking it up.

(Note: Add to 'To do list' that I should Write a movie starring OutKast and involving a bored family lawyer who kills Zombies with parts of her stairs.)

Im going to Vancouver in July ( as part of Juicy's summer Concert Series) to see Les Savy Fav...and naturally, to hang out with Best Friend Vancouver, Weeiner. It has been decided that we need to have a second Quincenera-- Called Quincenera II: The Quintessential Quincenera and I now need a new party dress to wear to it.

Its not every day a girl turns fifteen... but its at least once a year

I believe it will be quite awesome.

I also have a Bat Mitzvah this Saturday. Apparently I will need a dress for this as well. Killing two excuses to shop with one stone...

(* The last two titles are from Damn Yankees' hit High Enough. A truly emotional ballad which I was singing last Friday at the Fabulous Tropicana)

Can you take me high enough?

Its a really good thing I didnt have my Visa on Friday, or in drunken brilliance I would have bought the 'Rock Ballads' Cd set they were advertising on the TV at the bar. I was singing along to such favourites as 'Carrie' by Europe, 'Sarah' by Starship, 'Kyrie' by Mister Mister...and other great 80s songs with girl's names as the titles. I really am glad I didnt have another drink and shop experience, especially one where I would receive another CD reminder every two weeks.

Then again, it says Id spend hundreds of dollars trying to find all these classics in one place...maybe I should rethink it after all.

The weekend was pretty much a write off. The most constructive thing I did all weekend was shower and wash my hair Saturday. The rest of the time I was cooking, watching movies, or having PMS induced battles with people. It has literally fucking rained for two weeks straight. I dont recall moving to England, so this is alarming to me.

I still havent gotten my sewing machine. I will though. Oh, yes.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Heres some more stuff that i hate

I dont know how many times ive watched that today.

(FUN FACT!: I just realised the amount of 'Diabetes' songs and remixes good ole Wilf has on Youtube. I think i found a new passion...)

There was something that I was going to tell you about. Now its gone....gone...gone...

Oh wait

Lilacs. I fucking hate them. They are total assholes. Oh, Look at me. Im a fucking scented purple flower. Blah Blah. Everyone loooooves me. Oh, fuck you, you pretentious fuck.

Fucking Assholes. Just look at them.

Bet you never heard someone yell at a flower before. Hah! You got no idea.
Wait til you see me around strawberries. Now thats a plant I can totally get my hate on about. (Im allergic to them, by the way, and our neighbourhood is full of them. I spend most of my drive home with my arm out the window cuz Im giving them the finger. )

Did I mention how kickass our garden is going to be? It is. Fucking superstar. I think I am going to take over the northwest with Zuchini plants. Because they are coming up gangbusters.

I plan on picking up a sewing machine any day now. Then i will be able to make my own Project Runway-esque creations. Kickass.

A girl that I was friends with when I was dating super ex ( and she was dating best friend of super ex) contacted me via facebook and wants to hang out. Im totally game...although i think it may be a leeetle weird. She is now married to best friend of super ex and he is still best friends with super ex...and super ex's wife. I know, I should just strap on some balls and not think about that... but Im just worried of an awkward moment where 'his' or 'her' name may come up in conversation and it'll be like one of those scenes in a movie....y'know, this one:

.....crickets chirp....

Yeah. Aw fuck it. I think it would be fun to see em again.

Im sorry Im so fucking curse-y. I think cuz its supposed to rain again this weekend and Im fucking sick of the rain. Almost as nauseating as those fucking Lilacs.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Fucking June, already?

Wow. Its Fucking June. Wow. Time flies when your, uh, um....working and sleeping and taking antibiotics.

So I missed a few blog-able events over the past two weeks that I guess should be mentioned.

1. I may have turned 31. Meh. The highlight was that Jer bought me SingStar (the GuitarHero of singing) and I rocked that fucker like a motherfucking storm. I can sing Creep by Radiohead to 99% perfection.

2. I may have pneunomia. Yeah. Seriously. Most people would had taken this as a sign to stay home from work more than one day. Most people would be right in doing such. Yeah. I aint most people. (ps. I am actually coughing up blood. No, there is no punchline on this. I am. Really. The doctor sed so)

3. I saw the first show of the "Ultimate Summer of Concerts of Juicy A"-- the Hives. They fucking ruled and put on a great show. Jer thought it was an all ages show when we got there. I confirmed that no, thats just what 18 year olds look like. Fuck man, do you know they arent even old enough to have listed to Nirvana while Kurt Cobain was alive? Faaaaaaaack.

4. I saw Indiana Jones. I may have come a little in my pants.

5. I saw this trailer. I may have peed a little. (Its the 'all ages trailer', but if you go to the website you can see the R Rated one (which is hilarious) but I cant post on here because I dont have an American drivers license)

6. I may be so done with this numbering of paragraphs thing