Monday, October 31, 2005

Happy Halloween

Fuck Im tired.

Moving sucks... and the cleaning of the apartment following moving sucks even more. I have dishwater hands, vacuuming elbow, and housemaids back [ i dont think those actually are medically certified ailments, but its my way of saying my body fucking hurts].

The Intersection of 13 and 13 is mine only in cyberspace. The actual apartment now belongs to some chick named Chelsea. Sigh. A lot of crazy shit happened in that place.

Its Halloween! Woot. Im not going to any parties or any thing, but Jer and I are dressing up as Wilma and Fred Flintstone to hand out candy. Ill try to get a picture, [although im not sure how i will download it with all my computer and camera stuff somewher in a box in my room...]

Typing this hurts my hands. [yes, im serious. sad, huh?] So Im going to do some work. Should be more relaxing.

Here is something keeping in the holiday spirit... horror movies acted out by bunnies

The Shining

The Exorcist

and my personal fave...

Rocky Horror Picture Show

Friday, October 28, 2005

Camel Toads (yes, im procrastinating at work right now...)

Click on picture. Laugh. Rinse. Repeat.

To find Camel toads... go see Cindy's site

Crazy? Need a Lawyer? Call 1-800-Juicy!

Wow, 49 comments... colour me impressed. I assumed it was long coming, but my beloved Jer was not too happy about people on the interweb looking at my panties. So just when the HNT-ing was getting saucy, it will likely need to go tame again.

Work has been very weird again lately. A lot of nutbars calling looking for legal representation. Yesterday, one dude called and asked how many trials i had won...because he needs a winner and he will only retain a "winner". I explained that although i have had many clients, i usually settle out of court on civil matters, so i have, technically never "won" a trial.... well. to this guy, this meant i was, in fact, a loser. I encouraged him to call lawyer referral and to request a winner there.

There has also been a lot of people who have been calling with really stupid lawsuits they plan to start. Like against the cable company because their cable was out and they missed a Flames game [Personally, I think the cable company should be rewarded for that. Boo Flames!] they want 10,000 in damages for mental anguish. Yeah. Thats going to happen. People seriously injured in car accidents dont get 10,000 for mental anguish... not losers who have to get off their fat asses and go to a neighbourhood pub to watch their crappy hockey team.

My number one favourite crazy guy right now is this dude who came in with an Intellectual Property issue with patents [ i dont do that type of law BTW, so there alone i wasnt interested] but quickly went from his legal the fact that hes a "numerical logic" expert and that he predicted 9-11, the Bali bombings, the bombing in the London tube and also a bombing that was supposed to happen in Calgary last week, but the bombers knew he was on to them, so they changed their plans. He claims to be on a first name basis with Condoleeza Rice, George Bush Sr. [ but not Jr. because they had a falling out] and the Canadian Prime Minister.

So while this dude is going on and on and on about this... im just sitting there with a dumb grin on my face trying to get him out of the office. I tell him that the consultation is over and that i have another appointment, and Im sorry that i cant continue to listen to his story. Oh, no worries. He pulls out a 100 page document and tosses it on my desk. He has the whole story here with him in this paper... the government doesnt need this copy, so i can keep it.

Yes, Ive read it. The first page begins by explaining how everything that has the number 10 in it, somehow explains George Bush Sr. Everything with a 3, revolves around terrorists. He had to move because his address had two "3s" in it.... [and yes, it goes on from there]

So, back to trying to be a somewhat professional person, i tell him i dont do patent law so i cant help him. He seems to understand and accept this answer and leaves. Since Tuesday, he has called about 15 times to check to see if i changed my mind. Yesterday, he "stopped by" twice to see me.

I think im going to tell him that i live at the intersection of 13 and 13... those 3s will label me as a terrorist for sure and he may leave me alone.
However, it may also let him know where he could 'stop by' to see me on the weekend.

Speaking of such, Im almost all moved out of my apartment. The final moving will happen Sunday... likely when hung over [although i think i always move hung over, stoned on pot, or on a big comedown from a coke binge].

Alright, back to work. The crazies of Calgary need me.

PS: To the guy who said i wasnt a winner.... check it out!

I am 37% loser. What about you? Click here to find out!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

HNT# 6-- Thigh high Gemini

Im early posting [but changing the date bc im a cheater] because Im not sure if Ill be able to make it to a computer until like 1 pm tomorrow...and by then, there will already be like 300 posters...


- Im a Gemini. Anyone who has seen me in the midst of one of my near bi-polar moodswings could likely attest to this. There are 2 sides of me...however, neither are reasonable.

- Im into Astrology. A lot of people think its bunk. I dont.

- I know it looks like a big roman numeral 2.

This concludes the "Juicy's Ink" series on HNT. I could start a "Juicy's piercings" section next week, but i really really really do not like to show those to the public.

For more half-nekkidness... go see the man

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

A post about nothing and everything all at once

Still reeling from the blognhottie sis called me last night to congratulate me, one of my ex bf's [mila-- and i still cant remember why i dubbed you that on here...] had "i dated a blognhottie" as his msn name yesterday, and i didnt look at my body with too much scorn in the mirror last night.

The headache which has been lodged behind my left eye for the last week is getting progressively worse. I believe it corresponds directly to how close my moving day is...which also corresponds directly to how messy my apartment has become. I hate living out of boxes and with meager supplies. Especially when they are somehow spread across the whole of my apartment.

However, the headache got much much much worse after i watched the Oilers game last night. I know I know... I shouldnt take their 7 game losing streak so personally...but I do. Its like im in an abusive relationship. Oh Oilers, why do you hurt me so...and why do i keep coming back from more? Maybe its more of an S and M thing. I keep cheering cuz they cause me so much pain.

Work is also pretty stressful. Im in court this afternoon [ this post has been drawn out over an hour now as i write a sentence or 2 every few minutes of solitude] and again tomorrow.

Now Im going to give some props to some blog buddies. Congrats to:

Lulu, who won a Kareoke contest

CBK, who has had 10,000 visitors

Camo Girl, whose Blog is worth $19,758.90. [which is approx 19,758.90 more than what mine is worth]

Cindy, who has a continuing mission to remind us of the dos and donts of gas station etiquette and

Carrie, who is regularily "gettin some" .

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Say What?!

Apparently i am a blogging hottie.

I just wish they put up pictures of me that were more flattering... the one where i was body surfing and was bleeding? yeah, i really dont think is that sexy at all.

I guess im pretty honored. Mostly cuz I have never at any time felt that i was a hottie. [despite the fact that my 7 yr old nephew assures me that i am all the time]

Monday, October 24, 2005

Someone's Got a case of the Mondays

The only thing worse than spending all Friday vomiting, is coming to work on Monday and seeing the huge pile of work on your desk that you were supposed to do on Friday. Its like every single one of my clients needed me on Friday or Thursday night...called and left strange crytic messages with my assistant and then faxed or emailed me something equally odd. Weird.

My weekend pretty much sucked. I actually think i enjoyed Friday's pukefest more than Saturday's pack-fest. Yes. I would rathe retch my guts than organize and pack my shit into boxes.

Thats all i have to say for now. Too busy and crabby....and Im not even going into the 7 -1 loss of the Oilers on Friday to the Avs.

Friday, October 21, 2005

there are few things more humbling

than waking up in a pile of your own vomit...

except now, i see that i decided to blog while wasted. and write that i had sex.

good golly. im going back to bed.

Thursday, October 20, 2005


[withougt csps lock 0
seriouisly why did my oileers lose? so suclky
juict needs a dwrink

AFTER all shre drank alaredy

Half- Nekkid Thursday Numero 5

I never realised that I look like a 12 yr old boy from the back until now.

I originally planed to post this last week...but i decided last minute not to post 2 shots of my tattoos back to back [haha 'back'...get it. shit.] on HNT.

This tattoo, alike the last, had something to do with a boy. The symbol for infinity has many different interpretations... here are some of the ones i have used to 'explain' it in the past:
- that I had moved on from my one ex, that life had gone on, etc. etc. and now i was happy with Dumbass, the guy i was with at the time i got it. [mental note: stop getting tats with boys]
- after Dumbass and I not so pleasantly parted ways, I decided that it meant that i was stuck in a continuous loop of getting stomped on by guys that i fell in love with. [melodramatic little fucker, aint i?]
- Two years later, and following my newer, 'que sera sera' attitude, it represents that I should just keep on keepin on cuz life just keeps moving along. [whoa that rhymes] If things are bad...just wait. It will pass.

Of course, if someone asks me, I just say that 8 is my lucky number and they drew it on sideways.

For all things half- nekkid, go here

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Its been 24 hrs...

Who wants to go for cocktails?! I'm buying! Im sure there is a place that has 'happy hour' at 930 am....

Monday, October 17, 2005



I really dont know how to explain it... just go there. Creeeeepy.

Fuck I need a drink!

I never realised how much i loved drinking until it was taken away.

I have been taking this medication for the past week in which i am not able to drink alcohol. And its not one of those "suggested" things either: its the bloody law. The drug is the same shit they give to recovering alcoholics to prevent them from sneaking in a drink or 2... within minutes of having alcohol in your bloodstream you become evilly physically ill. And, gentle readers, if you have been following along with me in your books, I can usually drink myself to vomiting, but at the 15- 18 drink stage. NOT at one.

Normally, I just like drinking...however, right now we are totally in NEED a drink stage. Why?:

- brutal loss of my beloved Oilers to those cocksucking, stupid motherfucker Flames. In fact, a fucking shut out.

- stress of moving. I really really hate moving. Im uber happy to be moving in with Jer, but i still hate the process.

- Ikea furniture. Alan keys are not my friends. Nuff Said.

- did i mention the Flames thing. GRRR!

Well, I have 2 days left on my prescription... then its 24 hrs to get it out of my system... then its fucking go time. I should make sure i dont have any Thursday morning appointments. I have a feeling i may be a little hungover.

As a side note, here are some other "fun" side effects of that drug:

vaginal irritation, discharge, or dryness not present before use of this medicine; black, tarry stools; blood in urine or stools; clumsiness or unsteadiness; frequent or painful urination; inability to control urine flow; mood or other mental changes ; nausea and vomiting; pinpoint red spots on skin ; sense of pelvic pressure; skin rash, hives, redness, or itching; sore throat and fever; stomach and back pain (severe); unusual bleeding or bruising

They forgot "desire to drink heavily". Although that "mood or other mental changes " may explain a lot.

Friday, October 14, 2005

All Juicy all the time!

I saw that people had those '100 things about me' pages [or how Cindy who just did a really big survey] and decided to do one myself.

However, not wanting to only pick 100 things about myself [or to be more honest, to find 100 things about me that i decided to disclose], i just decided to do an "about" page.

Beyond the Intersection: About Juicy A
I'll prolly add to it now and then... just check it out on my sidebar thingy --> feel free to comment and ask more questions. Its like an interview with Juicy that you control. All interactives like.


Thursday, October 13, 2005

Ready to ride into the sunset on my wedding stallion...

You are LaFawnduh. Why are you so sweaty?

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I totally got busted on the internet by my assistant because this made me laugh so hard.

HNT#4-- Eye Spy

I actually am more than half nekkid in this picture... you just cant see it all... [hee hee]

I know its a pretty tame pic compared to others', but the fact is, I need to unveil my body piece by piece slowly, or, knowing me, Ill just get it all over with and post a full frontal nudie shot.

My eyes are hazel, which is a fancy term for browny-greeny-yellowy. Not having a regular old 'normal' eye colour used to annoy me when i was a kid. There is no crayon that easily colours hazel. You never see dolls or Barbies with hazel eyes [ just good old brown green and blue]. No singer has sung about having a hazel eyed girl [ although Kelly Clarkson, who obviously shares my sorrow, has recently somewhat changed this...]

But, mostly, because no one ever correctly guessed my eye colour-- boys in grade 4 telling me i have such pretty green eyes, teachers correcting my autobiography in grade 6 because obviously my eyes are brown... I have now come to grips with the fact that they change according to what im wearing, my mood, and [ so i think] my menstrual cycle.

Here, I think my red wig makes them look really green.

You can also see my eyebrow ring scar, caused when it was unceremoniously ripped out by some overzealous dork pushing my cowboy hat down at a rave. Thats another story for another day...

Visit all things half nekkid here.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

My evil Twin

Have you ever been in the mood where you just want to smoke cigarettes, drink gin, blare punk rock, and kick over some furniture? And its only 10 am? And you are at work? Im totally in that mood right now.

Its not that im angry or in a pissy mood... i just want to create some chaos. Start some havoc. Rip shit up.

Maybe its because i straightened my hair for the first time in about 6 months last night. I am my own evil twin bent on destruction, mayhem, and with no frizzies.

When I dated the super-ex [approx. 6 million years ago], whenever i went out alone or when he was out of town, I would back comb my hair, buy a pack of Benson and Hedges Ultra lights and go out on a drunken rampage. My friends referred to this character as "Lola". I never really did anything bad as Lola... but i was pretty restricted in my activities with him and by simply getting drunk and boisterous i woulda been pissing him off.

Im not restricted at all with Jer and he [ i think] likes when I get silly and drunk. Maybe Lola is lashing out on the fact that i have a pretty square job and she wants me to mix it up. Or maybe i just miss having straight hair.

Anyways, Im going to go raise some hell with the receptionist... maybe have a boot party on the copier...start a fire in the recycle bin. Or not.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I may need it...but do i neccesarily want it?

I stole this from Lulu, mostly cuz it made me laugh so much that coffee just came flying outta my nose:

1. Go to Google
2. Type in "[your name] needs" -- and make sure you remember the quotes
3. Inform your blogging public what 5 things you need.


Apparently Juicy needs:

1. Juicy Needs, This Horny Teen Loves Playing With Her Shaved Pussy At Night

2. Juicy Needs, Amateur Big Tit Teen Soaks Her White Cotton Panties

3. Juicy, needs to rest off the fire at least five minutes to finish cooking and absorb liquid.

4. juicy. Needs good fertility for consistent quality and cluster size. Ripens midseason.

5. juicy needs a spanking? a nice big dirty one

Umm. Actually. Juicy needs a shower. She is kinda creeped out.

Juicy A beyond Turkey Day

Back at the grind after a blissful day off from work. Not that it was a relaxing weekend or anything... the highlights:

1. Drunk on Friday... not super puke-on-the-bar drunk, but more of a happy drunk where i just want to dance and be the life of the party. On returning to the Bar Named Sue in a less drunken state, I am surprised I didnt catch Hep A from that place.

2. Paiting on Saturday... I dont know if its just my boy, or all boys in general, but man oh man are they messy! After 6 hrs of painting, I had a few drops on my hands and a couple of blotches of paint on my pants. Jer, on the other hand, was COVERED in paint. In his ears, his face, under all his fingernails and his clothes were caked with the stuff. I guess, to be fair, I should say that i was painting the delicate little trellis and he was roller painting. Still, though, it was pretty crazy.

3. Turkey on Sunday... at the parents house. Parents did their best to embarrass me as much as possible again. Topics of coversation included how bad my hair looks, how flat chested i am, how bad my clothes are, then switched into commenting how my dad thinks my best friend is 'hot' and wants to get pictures of her naked and something about how cartoon breasts are just as hot as real breasts. I left the table when he started talking about how mormons have it all right because they fuck a different woman every night. Yeesh.

4. Galaxyland Monday... I hate West Edmonton Mall. Its because Im local and its a big tourist trap. There are the same stores all over Edmonton [and Calgary too] just they arent stuck in the same building with a waterpark, aquarium, ice rink, bowling alleys, amusement park, etc. etc. That being said, I really love the amusement park. [which used to be called Fantasyland until Disney sued them over the name...what the fuck?] Anyways, I took my nephews and my Jer on the rides there-- although i dont think my beloved enjoyed the triple loop rollercoaster as much as i did.

Other than that, I am happy to report that my Oilers have won all three games they have so far played...and are looking rather impressive if i may say. The Flames have lost all 3. [ i could so rub this fact in, but i aint like that]. Even my Bills managed to pull off a win.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Piggy Personality Test

The Draw a Piggy Personality Test has informed me that I am:

- a realist

- direct, enjoy playing devil's advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions

-analytical, cautious, and distrustful [haha uhhh... Im sure Jer would love to add hiss 2 cents worth on that one]

-secure, stubborn, and stick to my ideals.

-an OK listener, but with a great sex life

I just kinda thought he looked like Babe.

They also forgot " loves to waste time on Friday afternoons cuz she wants to go home"

Turkey Time!

Hooray! Its the Thanksgiving long weekend!!!

Which means: 1. An extra day to sleep in and 2. Turrrrrkeeey!!!!

Fuck! I love eating Turkey. I really do. Its prolly my fave part of Christmas too. Since I was a kid I have thought that the greatest part about the turkey is when my Mom pulls it out of the oven to cool before she cuts it... and I sneak into the kitchen [and its pretty tricky because, yes, i have been doing this for 28 years] and steal pieces of meat off the bird. She just frigging FREAKS at me! "Stop picking at the Turkey! You can wait like everyone else!"

For the last few years she has tried to prevent my stealth eating by donating the turkey's neck to my cause. She'll pull it out of the roasting pan 10 minutes before the rest comes out and casually leaves it on the cutting board, hoping that ill pick at that and leave the rest of the turkey alone. But i dont. [ but lets not tell her because i do enjoy eating that too.]

This year my partner in crime will be coming with me to dinner. Its been a very very very long time since i had a 'date' at a holiday meal [ i believe Thanksgiving 2000 was the last...] so i wont be nestled between my nephews on the children's side of the table this time. This is only Jer's second interaction with my parents...the first was pretty dismal, my Dad got pretty wasted and started watching the porn preview channel. Ug. Hopefully they will just watch hockey or CFL or something.

Happy Turkey Day!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Half Nekkid #3-- Wish upon a...

Today's HNT is something that not a lot of people have seen... one of my tattoos. I have 3, and all are located in places that can be easily hidden so as not to upset conservative bosses or clients.

I started with this tattoo on HNT because its sort of my favourite [ I know, a parent should never pick favourites] but also because i like the location of it: about 3 inches under my left armpit and on my side. [ note: if you are thinking of getting a tat... let me advise you that getting it on a bony/ non-fatty area is bloody painful]

I wont tell the story of why the star, why red, and why at the time i got it... all too personal, but i will say that although there is an adage never to get a tattoo because you broke up with someone...yah, well sometimes i just think you should.

The story of HNT is here.

Lets hope my clients dont like Chinese food...

My fortune cookie from lunch today reads:


My first thought was "awwwwww" thinking that I am moving in with Jer soon and it seems to be a pretty lucky thing to read. On Friday, moments after we discussed us moving in together while at the same Chinese restaurant, his fortune cookie read something about his long search for happiness now being over.

Now, not that im a pessimist or anything [Ha!] but now Im thinking... this Chinese food restaurant is located right next door to my office. And I practice family law. I really need them to stop giving out the friggin "stay with your spouse cookies" or it may start to affect my business...

Stupid weather

Oooh its cold here today. Had to scrape frost off of my car and everything. Not liking this. This means that i may need to start getting up from work more than 15 minutes before im supposed to be there.

I start work [technically, cuz i think ive only been there then once] at 830. I have decided recently that its quite okay for me to set the alarm for 730...and then proceed to hit the snooze bar until 815. Somedays its as late as 821. I then jump from the bed, survey how bad my hair looks and whether i need to soak it to look presentable or whether i can throw it into some sort of ponytail to conceal its utter crappyness. Go pee. Do some sort of 3 minute shower type thing [ can be up to 5 minutes if i need to shave the legs]. Throw on eyeliner [ eyeshadow if im feeling particularily sassy] then put on the clothes i picked out the night before [ I would end up wearing ridiculous things or would forget to put on pants or something if i did clothing choice in the morning...brain really dont work that well until ive been up half an hour or so] Brush my teeth. Start my car and leave. [Prolly not a good thing, being that i can barely speak the english langugage at this point and im driving a big piece of metal and glass at 80 km/r.]

Today I got outside...and started to swear like the foul mouthed sailor you all know that I am. Frost everywhere. And me wearing a dress, heels, and a short sweater [ i forgot to set out a weather appropriate outfit last night... mental note: check weather channel night before]I had to scrape off the frost and let the bugger defrost before i could leave. It added an additional 10 minutes to my schedule! Fuck! That means Ill need to get up at 805 if I want to sheepishly slink into work late at 845 every morning. Totally sucks. Or I need to cut out the pee and shower elements of my morning.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Movin' on up

Im very excited/ still kinda shell shocked to tell you that beginning in November, I shall be in the Intersection of 13 and 13 in spirit alone....

I shall soon be co-habitating with my beloved Jer.

This means I will be spending the next month throwing away/ giving away/ packing away a majority of my shite and taking a minority of my crap to his place. Where will I keep my bed? My immense shoe collection? My infamous Conquistador painting?

I guess its good that the only 'freaking out' im doing is about my stuff...totally not freaked about the actual moving in with my boy and the implications of it.

Seriously, though...where is the Conquistador going to go?

[thought you all needed to see the Conquistador to realise why i adore him so...]