Sunshine in the forecast?

I wonder if im in a better mood cuz im not blogging, or not blogging because im in a better mood. Or maybe the prospect of flying to another continent [ mental note: is central america its own continent? i dunno.] has just taken me off of my ass and out of the house on various expeditions.

Today i had lunch with T-Mac, which made me happy cuz im feeling a little neglected by the old crowd. He said i looked thin and happier than hes seen me in weeks... and thats before i told him of the marco debaucle. Glad that maybe there is a new spring in my step and smile on my face. By lookin at the past entries ive sure been dreary in the last while.

However, I did the unthinkable today. I still feel a little dirty and may go take another shower. I bought a Mtn Equipment Coop membership. [gasp!] I know, I know. Its the last bastion of my un-yuppiness...now i need to buy a mini van or BMW SUV, get a really big baby carriage for my 2.4 children, buy a trendy navaho leash for my chocolate lab puppy, and hell, i matter as well move to Kensington. What can i say? MEC has really good travel backpacks...

High highs and low lows [ or, Juicy A takes some juicy E]

On a really big comedown right now. Got the shakes and my eyes keep blurring. Apologizing now if stop speaking in the sentences...

Yesterday was W's going away party and a real gong show. We started at Ceilis [blah] but we all got really drunk and ended up having a pretty good time. There was a fan and me and W [aka Hansel]and the others had lotsa fun posing in the wind like we were supermodels.
We decided to leave at about 130 am, and clever me suggested we head to the French Maid [the strip joint in town]. It was pretty funny, mostly cuz our table was 4 girls and 5 guys and we were all cheering loudly...and no, we didnt sit in perv row. To keep the party going we went to the afterhours club in town, the Warehouse.

Everyone pretty much started leaving when they realised that there was no booze being served...just water and gatorade. However, me and W's friend Ryan Ball [ and get this, his dad's name is dick!] both had the same idea, and sought out to find some ecstacy.

I forget how much fun e is every time i take it. That rush...the euphoria...the fact that everything feels soft...the dancing. Then i remember the comedown..the teeth grinding...and the fact that your legs fucking hurt the next day from over dancing. I also think i spent about 2 hours just blindly staring at the green lights...such an e-tard. Had a great time though, something to take my mind off the sadder things going around in my world.

However, with everything there comes an end, and now im fugged up. Trying to keep myself occupied so i dont have a bad comedown and start crying....yeah, im really trying to not think of my [former] little stinky. Better go plan for Belize...

Shiny like a lobster

Its official. Im headin to the mysterious er central continent. Leaving on the 6th and back on the 17th. Im pretty pumped. Ive been trying to get my gear, well, in gear the last couple days and am getting scared that im going to blow my budget before i even leave. Oh well, its only money and i can always get more later.

In the spirit of trying to get into the spirit, i decided to go fake and bake. First, the girl working there was so peppy and cheery i wanted to strangle her. No one should be that way absent drugs or alcohol. So she determines with my skin type i should start with 25 minutes....which seemed a little odd being that i normally only did the 10 minute sessions last year. And I was correct in my observations: my poor boobies, bum, and belly are the color of the communist flag of russia.

Last night it was hard not to listen to CJSW and his show. And i was really sad at 1230 when i didnt get my little phone call that i was having a visitor. Its strange that last week I was at a job interview, had a boyfriend, and had nothing but hope for the future...now ive got a ticket to Belize, a hope to get the fuck out of dodge, and a really red swollen boomboom.

All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey...

..no, Im actually not dreamin of california, but of Belize. You are prolly wondering where the frig and why the frig Belize, but lemme explain.

Went for a drink with M last night. Originally, before i lost my job, we planned on going to Central America together. Then i was out becuz i thought i couldnt afford it. Well, I really still cant afford it. But... due to recent events, i really think that if i dont do something, im going to lose my freaking mind. I need something to pass the next month as i await my exam results.

So last night, M says "come with me to Belize, itll be fun." And ive been looking at this little caribean nation and agreed that yes, it would be rather fun. Snorkelling, looking at Mayan ruins, laying on sun drenched beaches? Yah, I think i could handle it.

And would be far far away from the little heartbreaker down the street.

Famous Last Words

Marco and i broke up. Fuck.

Ever notice the last thing you say to someone isnt the nicest?

Kelly: "This was your fault"
Ian: "Well then fucking go already"
Mark: "Dont ever try to talk to me again"
Marco: "Have fun with your ex fucking girlfriend"

Im going to go lay on my floor.

Brother can you spare a dime?

So Ive decided to apply for Employment Insurance. Im a loser. One step away from living in a refridgerator box on Freedom Street. Blah.

Not much else goin on down or up. Went for dinner with some former co-workers and listened to them bitch about their jobs. Yah, what else is new.

Before that I went and bought some light reading material: The Loving Dominant. [ which could be called "so, you're dating someone who is weirded out by the fact that you want to be tied up and beaten?] The funny thing being that, shite, its worked for me twice already. I feel like i should write the author...

Dear Sir

I have purchased your book for the last 2 boyfriends and now have purchased it for the third. Let me tell you, I turned those poor unexpecting boys from romantic sucks to leash-pulling and whip-wielding dominants. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. However, I may have a lot of convincing for the new one. I am sure, however, that your chapters on converting vanilla lovers may do the trick, as they have in the past.

Your servant,
juicy ass.

Hmmm. That would mean he'd actually have to spend time with me, which he hasnt been doing too much lately. Crap. Its starting to make me a little crazy.

ITS CORN SEASON AGAIN!!!

I like corn. Im a little excited. This is from the girl who hasnt shit solid in weeks. In the illustrious words of my friend Luke, "Booze makes the brown water come out of me arse" [ said with an aussie accent]. Being that i have been drinking pretty much every day this week, its not that surprising. I think i may be becoming the "Gallery Girl", as opposed to the Rev Girl of 1996. However, I never had to sleep with the staff for free booze back then. Haha.

Last night ran into K... one of the 4 guys i was seeing when i chose the Boy. He's leaving tomorrow to go back to Edmonton for school, and actually insinuated that he wanted to "go out with a bang". I declined his offer, naturally. [Im a slut, but not a cheater.] He told me he was a little upset that i chose the Boy over him, which kinda weirded me out, but i still think i made the right choice. Despite the odd problem, i really really dig the Boy and im not giving up on him.

Whats that? I was dating 4 guys at the same time? Yeah. I know, I know. Its kinda what i do. Im either in a relationship, completely single and not looking, or serial dating 2 or more guys. At the time i met the Boy [recall the ex girlfriend preventing him from calling me for 2 weeks?], I didnt think he was interested so i kept looking. Hooked up with K because we worked together and seemed to have lots in common. One of the other boys was another guy i worked with who i never really knew what was going on. He wouldnt say that if we were actually together. The other guy was a sweet guy who lived in Canmore. After i went out with the Boy [ side note: he ran into me when i was out with K and while i was really sad that he hadnt phoned me yet, i felt bad that he saw me with another guy] I slowly let the other guys go. It took me a few weeks to decide that the Boy was the one. In fact, i was about to let him go when he all of a sudden turned into the guy that i wanted.[I'll tell that story some other time] Canmore i just started dating so i just stopped calling. K never really found out til he saw me with the Boy at a party. Harsh.

Anyways, all this talk of boys makes me wanna go have some corn. Did I mention its corn season? Im pumped.

Jobs are for people who dont know how to bitch.

Today was another bar call of a former co-worker...yeah, same kaka, same pile. At least i was stoned this time. I needed it. I had a job interiew this morning and it sucked supreme.
----------
My Interview: A play in one act.

Dude: So what exams did you have to re-write?
Me: Business. And Real Estate.
Dude: Oh. Those ones are important, arent they?
Me: Well...they all are important...
Dude: Well. We cant accept your application until you pass...
Me: Oh

{45 min later..involving why i failed, how many other people failed, and that they pay 20 grand less than the old place}

Dude: So, when you pass, let us know. Or if you dont, let us know then too.
Me: [hitting head against desk until i pass out]
----------

Joys.

As something funny, the guest DJ that the Boy brought into town on Wednesday came over yesterday to get stoned. Too funny. We bonded over our mutual love of Jackass.

Things are weird with the Boy still. Hes gone for the weekend. Time for me to think about stuff. Im literally sitting at the point of telling him i love him, or to leave.

Gawd. I need to find something cheerful to write about.

the little black rain cloud that follows me is getting bigger

The original title of this entry was going to be "Booze, Barcalls, Boys, and Bad news" but im obsessed with alliteration so im gonna try and keep it down for the time being. That being said...

So i got totally wasted yesterday and had to literally run into my apartment this morning because i thought i was gonna barf all over the elevator, hallway and street. It was a friend/ former co-worker's bar call and it wasnt the most pleasant experience for me. It meant seeing everyone at the former workplace and dealing with the ominous questions of "When is your bar call" and "Where are you working right now?" and then seeing the embarrassed/shocked face when i say "2009 and nowhere". Fuck. I also felt like singing "The Old Apartment" by Barenaked Ladies...it was painful being back there.

Kept drinking after the reception and made my way to the Gallery. The Boy was spinning last night and had a special guest in from England, so i went to watch. I got pretty wasted [being a DJ groupie has its perks] and had a pretty good time... then he mentioned how he was concerned that his ex-girlfriend wasnt talking to him, even after he put her on the guest list.

Ok. Story Time again. Im afaid of only 3 things...bears, tornadoes, and exgirlfriends. Especially the latter. I have a stern rule that i dont "recycle" exes. I never go back because i think that whatever caused us to breakup was important enough that it wouldnt make sense to go back. However, my last 6 guys i dated [Ian, Chad, Dumbass among them] have gone back to their exgirlfriends after me.

So that would cause some paranoia, right? Wait There's More! Lemme tell you the rest of the story... Before the Boy and I started seeing each other, his very ex that he put on the guest list told him that she knew he asked me out and she wanted him back. Two weeks later he called me again. I dunno if they did get back together or not [wilful blindness, anyone?] but its always stressed me out.

So, when i heard that she had been there, he had put her on the guest list, and he was concerned that she wasnt talking to him....i fucking lost it. Yeah, I yelled at him, and that makes me really sad. But, in my defense, I just dont understand why he still wants hang out with her. I simply dont trust her at all. No one goes from "I want you back" to "Lets be just friends" in a months time. What I really dont understand is that he doesnt understand why it upsets me.

Im not sure if weve made up yet. I stayed over at his last night [hence why i was running for my bathroom in my apartment this morning] and he was running late this morning and we never talked. I dont know what to do. Im torn between the fact that i dig him alot, maybe could love him someday...and the fact that he doesnt tell me anything, never calls me, doesnt try to really get to know me, and now wants to hang out with his ex who wants me gone...and there are superficial things too. [vanilla is a little flavourless for me]but i just dont know.

that little black rain cloud just keeps on gettin bigger.

After the apocalypse, comes the revolution.... [yeah, whatever]

So, maybe its becuz im now unemployed or that im often understimulated, but sometime I let my imagination run wild and like to pretend that im some sort of character in a movie or comic strip and my life is some big movie/play/novella.

Last year, and during the time I was working I liked to pretend that I was a super hero named "DangerGirl!" who rode around on a BMX and protected the world from Science [which, yes, is still my arch-nemisis]. I had a sidekick named Mr. Action [dumbass] who really was there to do drugs with and have sex with. Really and truly, all DG! ever did was protect the world from frivolous insurance claims and broken contracts. Not that super after all.

Now, since I was unceremoniously "let go" from the job, I see myself as some sort of heroine in a post-apocalyptic world [think mad max meets Tank Girl meets Sailor Moon...hell, Ive been obsessed with all of those at some period of time...] who has leads an underground revolutionary group ready to take out the evil rich people who try to bring us down. Im currently not a member of an underground revolutionary group, although i have been adopted by a rather sassy collective which puts out an artsy culture mag here in calgary [it starts with an "i" and I wont write the name here in case they google themselves and find this blog...and if you guys DO find this blog, dont lemme know, cuz it would weird me out]. I guess if the apocalypse happens and the collective of "i" are still around, Id lead them in a revolution. The only thing that really concerns me is that if the apocalypse happens, will my straightening iron still work? I cant lead any revolutions with bad hair.

if i ever get those pictures up and running, ill put in photos of me as "Dangergirl!"...im sure ones as Juicy A, revoultionary/ ad sales girl will follow...

...the history of the world: part I

Boys boys boys
My biggest weakness and addiction. Seriously. So heres the dummies version of my love life [becuz i remember my english prof in high school telling us that every story needs and introduction... and this is the introduction to what goes on in my life daily]

So, I wont say here what my "magic number" is...but yes, it is fairly high. Instead, this chapter of the book will be about the times i have fallen in love [insert violin music here]

1. Chad. [ex-oh-ex-oh heart heart]
Was my friend Bob's roomate when he was in college...i went to visit Bob and his GF and met chaddie and fell in love [in only the way you can fall in love when you are 19] But, in a theme to be seen again and again, we lived in different cities and it was hard to stick together. Had great sex with him in the back of my 1986 Hyundai pony. Breaking up with him put me into a huge drinking binge [note: another theme] and also caused me to visit a bar in Edmonton called the Rev about 5 days a week. About 10 days after breaking up with Pookie i met....

2. Kelly [later known as Puppy, even later than that referred to as "AssFace", now colloquially "Super-Ex" ]
We were together 4 and a half years. Phew. Thats damn ass long when you are in your mid twenties. There, obviously are a lot of stories involving me and the super-ex, but i guess all i can say is that things were great when i wanted to marry him, and he didnt want to marry me...and then became really shit when he wanted to marry me and i wanted nothing to do with that. Pretty hardcore. I guess, looking back, we had some amazing fun...but im really stuck, even 4 years later, on the bad stuff: he wasnt affectionate, he never told me that he loved me, and our sex life was a phreaking train wreck. He's married now. Weird. Broke up when i moved to saskatoon, went into bender after breakup.

3. Ian. [and i still get shudders when i type his name]
Spent the summer in van to work...really i spent the summer with IFW. We were inseperable. Morning, evening, night, weekend, weekdays...yah, you get the picture. All we did was drink, do drugs, and fuck. Had crazy ass sex [yeah, read that how you want] became a total freaky chick and got into BDSM, fisting, hardcore anal....uh, thats enough for here. But it was goood. Mostly, I loved this guy. After Kel, he was so loving, affectionate, and totally wanted me to be with him all the time. I felt like i was special and beautiful. We even discussed eloping. When i went back to saskatoon, he couldnt handle it...we broke up like 12 days after i left. I lost it. Drank like a wino and slept around for over a year. Got a big tattoo. Went to Europe the following summer to try to forget him. Still dunno how id be if i saw him tomorrow.

4.Mark
Dumbass. Fucker. Asshole. Hey, guess what? Im still a little sore about this one. He was great, and yeah, i guess i loved him. Or at least who i thought he was. We worked together and the first month we were incognito. He seemed like the perfect mix between Ian and Kelly: grounded but fun, and, yeah, I got him into the kinky stuff. He left at the end of the summer to go back to school. We saw each other one more time after that and something troublesome happened. And he ran. And I never will forgive him. The bender never stopped post-Ian, and it continued after Dumbass.

Now... there is the Boy. He's dealing with a lot of emotional wreckage caused by the above assholes. I worry daily that hes going to be just another one...and i worry even more that hes prolly everything i need and want and im not going to give him the chance he deserves and lose him in the process....

yah, thats drama for another time and another day...

The Inaugeral post [sigh]...

So here it is, im a blogger. Whoa, does that make me cool? Or simply a larger geek? Dunno. Maybe i'll be cool in a more ironic way... like how trucker hats were geeky, then cool, now are worn for sheer irony. [ and yes, i DO own a few trucker hats]

The reason for the blog? Ummm.....
1. Cuz im unemployed and really really bored.
2. Ive been reading a lot of blogs lately, from my friends and, strangely, from people in 24/7 DS relationships and think they are cool. and
3. Im looking for attention.

The name of the blog represents where i live and, quite amusingly, the place where I stare a lot of the time...especially when stoned. Oh, and if any of my posse should come across this, just ta let you know ill try and use pseudonyms where necessary.

kisses
A