Hump Day

...strangely rhymes with "thump" day. And yes, there are people i currently would like to thump.

My voicemail this morning which, as usual, was filled with people explaining ad nauseum about how they want to sue all sorts of people who looked at them funny, sold them a crappy car, blah, blah, blah, [if i had a rubber mallett for every crazy id like to pummel...] but i also had a few other "interesting" messages.

One was from a lawyer who says he has been doing family law for 15 years. After confirming that he was sending some documents i requested from him... he said [and i quote, im actually typing his message verbatim]

...honestly, though, I looked you up on the Lawyer Search. You are young, you are new to this. You've only been called for a year. Get the Hell out of family law. Its horrible. I wouldnt wish my life on anyone. There are crazy people out there. And they will find a way to your office.

Uhhhhh....okay.

My next message was from the mother of one of my clients. She lives in another province and i am having a hard ass time trying to get her son custody of his daughter. Her son knows what an uphill battle i have had and how much work Ive put into this file. However.... Mom calls me and rants for 10 minutes about how useless i am and how she

"knows i am quite happy to sit back and do nothing while her granddaughter is being molested and have the nerve to bill her thousands of dollars because i am that sick".

Now i think i should call that elder family lawyer and ask him whatelse he can see in his crystal ball.



[pic made with program i was hooked up with on Camo girl's site]

Sicky Sickerson

As a result of wearing hotpants in the winter weather and other less than healthy activities i have been taking part in as of late, I seem to be dying of some horrible cold-like [which is likely a cold] illness.

The only upside has been that i had some very funky dreams last night: one where I won the first cycle of America's Next Top Model and another where i came to work and found everyone wearing matching sweatsuits and playing dodgeball.

I have a big meeting this afternoon. Thats the only reason im here. After its done, Im going to sleep in my office. I have already built my nest out of coats, plastic bags, and my suit jackets. Cozy.

Monday Monday

After the weekend i had, this comic [from dieselsweeties] made me laugh hysterically



[click on it to make it bigger]

Today my Jer starts his new job at Canada Post. He was a temporary mail carrying dude before...and now he is a permanent part time plant worker. We are excited about him having benefits and job security...but very sad about the hours: 6 pm to 2 am. I usually leave the house at 815 am and get back at 545. Yeah. So we'll spend the next year or so only seeing each other when we accidentally wake each other up when we come home or leave. Ug. We'll still have weekends though. And it could be worse. But im still real sad about it.

I have pics from Saturday's party and will post them later. Maybe I should save it for HNT...those hotpants were pretty short and all...

juicys world: 2AM and under the influence

Things i am realizing at 200 in the morning:

- the light in the home office doubles as a pole dancing pole

- curry burps smell bad...well actually, they smell like curry

-i still dont like this mac. give me a pc. a pc a pc my kingdom for a pc

- its not hot pant weather outside [ we had a hip hop old skool party and i wore hotpants, knee socks, adidas, and a shirt that read "bling bling"...we got a limo and rode around the city drinking champagne and ummmm....taking some candy...im still a little fuggered from it. at one point, while dancing at the bar i though i was dying; i thought "oh shit. here we go. im od'ing in a bar. real nice, juicy, real nice." but i was ok. i just needed some oxygen [the good ole 0 -2 in the hizzouse] and i was a-ok.

-iforgot what this post was about...just a sec.

-yes. its 2 in the A-m. tomorrow is grey cup sunday. woot. go eskies! my oilers won on friday. i was at the game. there was much wooting to be heard.

- really love my jer. hes sleepin. shhhh.

-ok. im done. gonna watch some late night tv. hope there are some good infomercials. i like the ones about food preparation devices [ronco food dehydrater? oh yes.] and the 'get fit in 6 days' ones.

HNT the 8th: Belly o Rama

Jer took this picture. He absolutely loves my belly. The big brown dot is my mole which I have nicknamed "the doorbell".



BTW I took a bunch of new pics but am having a bitch trying to download them onto my computer. I miss my laptop.

Have a happy HNT everyone! [click on HNT there for more info-->]

While you all get sleepy on Turkey/shop for the holidays/ continue working because you arent actually American...

Just a reminder that if you want Non-denominational seasonal cards which do not promote the birth of any baby from some Chick named Mary or gifts which do not reference a specific cultural or religious group [lets be safe and just not offend anyone] drop me an email at the email addy directly to the right (its new!)-->

However, if you want cards that are as offensive as possible...also let me know. Ive been saving this baby for a while...

Juicy's American Citizenship Application

Its totally busy here today...its nice outside...and im getting increasingly annoyed with clients. I usually laugh at people who suggest this, but for today, if it will get me a short week of work and let me play outside... I want Alberta to separate from Canada and join the US.

And Im not alone: The Separation Party of Alberta Of course, they are crazy, anti-nationalist ( and usually anti-francaphone), and "christian" ( i use that term in the fundamentalist sense) and I just want to sleep in tomorrow. But for 2 days off, hell, Im in.

Those of you who arent that familiar with Alberta...we are kinda the Texas of Canada. We have lotsa oil, lotsa money, and lotsa people who think that although we are just a part of Canada, we are the "best" part. ( not to insult those in Texas by comparing them to Alberta...sorry dudes)

Most people in Alberta are staunch supporters of right wing politicians ( the exception being my beloved Edmonton which is the only place that votes for more centre-left parties. Oh Etown how i love you.), "family values" (whatever the fuck that means), and owning guns. When I lived in BC and Saskatchewan (both very left wing politically) I was constantly made fun of for being from Alberta. The usual joke was "Hey! Where's your gun?!"

Many Albertans believe that Canada "owes" them something. That they keep Canada running, but see nothing in return. I admit I am a federalist. I have no problem with Alberta sending shitloads of oil revenues to Ottawa so that people in other less wealthy provinces can also go to school, go to the doctors, and afford gasoline. Why? Because its a country, and thats what parts of a country do. Unlike Quebec that wanted to leave over cultural and language differences... we are just in it for the money. Alberta is a jerk. Hes a bully. Give me what i want or im holding back the cash. It reminds me of dead beat dads who purposively take a job with shittier wages just to pay less child support. [ although we have ways of dealing with you jackasses]....

Fuck, lookit me rant. Anyhoo. I am about to send in my membership for separation. I am declaring myself American and I am sleeping in tomorrow. ( but sorry guys, Im bringing Canada's beer with me)

Its Slurpee weather

Current temperature: 20 degrees celcius [ thats 68 Farenheit]. Its not beginning to look like Christmas. Its beginning to look like flip flop weather.

Tainting

Ive become very link-y lately...Im not sure why, maybe cuz i keep finding things like this

Before you click the link, guess what body part was used to paint this lovely "art":



The artists name is "Dementia". Need I say any more?

Remembering Van City

I, for the most part, don't talk about my time in Vancouver. Sure, the odd anecdote from my days at the Department of Immigration, of me and Weener taking e on my 25th Bday, and the odd mention of the shows I saw there...but thats about it.

Today, for some odd reason, Im really missing the place and some of my friends who live there right now [but no, not my ex]. I only lived there 4 months, but it was a pretty eye-opening time in my life. I pretty much was out of control for the whole time there... constantly drunk/on drugs/in the midst of some sexual escapade. I got my first tattoo, started loving rock n roll and punk music, ate sushi daily and started the now infamous 'hump attack'all in the span of the one summer.

I just googled some of my fave memories from Van city:


The call it 93 cent pizza...but its a lie. Its actually a dollar once you add the GST. Once, while really wasted i stood outside the 93 cent pizza place on Commercial Drive and yelled at everyone who walked past "93 cents MY ASS!" From then on, whenever I walked by a pizza place in Van, someone would have to yell that.


I lived on Hastings and Commercial Drive. We referred to ourselves as the "East Van Allstars". Google "Hastings" and you will likely see thousands of pages about the heroin and crack problem on said street. Im not going to lie to you, its a pretty scary place. Picture 50 junkies all standing on a street corner. Some are yelling, some are shooting up, some have blacked out. Somedays it reminded me of a post-apocalytic movie. This was my neighbourhood. To "deal" with it, I made up little songs about the junkies, or tried to "out crazy" them so they would think i was more fucked up than they were and leave me alone.


This is commercial drive... pretty cool place actually. Imagine punks, skids, and lesbian couples with their Chinese adopted daughters. Shopping for antiques, comic books, sex toys and ice cream.


[This one is actually of me...cool huh?]
Library Square is where I worked. Pretty cool place, actually. I think it was in an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie (the 6th day, i think it was called) and some other movie where Lucy Liu fought Antonio Banderas.

And finally, my fave watering hole...The 50 Bourbon I wont go into the hijinks there...but i think it was the only bar I wasnt kicked out of that summer. We called the place the "No teeth Bar" because there were few patrons who went there that still had all their teeth... we also renamed some of the staff: there was Sheroin [the bartender named Sharon who was really scary and skinny], tie belt [a girl who always wore ties for belts]and "Gunt" [a girl with a stomach that reached her...well, you can guess] Some of my other faves were the Cobalt and the Brickyard-- both punk places that were pretty scary.

But can ya use it in a sentence?

Mere moments after bugging my assistant for using a word that i dont think really was a word, and making her use it in a sentence...I encountered this on the word verifcation on my blog: fuknbrat.

After laughing hysterically over the fact that i just got in trouble from blogger for being a jackass, I thought that this may be a fun new game... use your word verification word in a sentence.

Fuknbrat: A superior who doubts your word choice, laughs at you, and then makes you use it in a sentence.

Juicy usually is a pretty good boss, but lately she is a fuknbrat.

[okay, i wasnt laughing at her...but it was a funny word... "abeyancing"?!]

First Runner Up

Okay, Okay, I didnt win bloggin' hottie of the month. All I can say if the winner TRULY DID have 205 people vote for her...congrats. No Im not insinuating that she cheated, but I really dont know how I even mananged to have so many people legally vote for me.

I had BIG plans if i was voted as BHOTM...but thats ok. I dont blame you, dear readers, so no hard feelings.

I guess if she who won cannot fulfill her duties...blah blah blah... whatever.

On a lighter note, the Edmonton Eskimos are going to the Grey Cup. I really dont watch the CFL, but its still kinda cool to have the home team in the championship. Go Eskies!

I went and saw this movie on the weekend: Grizzly Man. It was interesting, tragic, and made me fear bears more now than ever.

I also watched the first season of the US version of the Office. Really funny. The first 3 episodes are almost word for word the same as the UK version. I think Im in love with the Jim/Tim character.

Juicy's X-mas wishlist...

LIBERACE
Mr. Showmanship

Auction is for a brand new life-size standup of Liberace in hot pants.
Great item for any Liberace fan. This is a life-size cut out standee. You can display this collectors item as a giant poster or as free standing lifesize art.

Our life-size celebrity stand ups are great for any room or party. These are truly a special collectors item for any fan. All of our stand ups are fully licensed high quality merchandise.

Well...Christmas IS coming

I love when real life and rap mix

Guys, take advice from Kanye...and consult a family lawyer today:

18 years, 18 years
She got one of yo kids got you for 18 years
I know somebody payin child support for one of his kids
His baby momma's car and crib is bigger than his
You will see him on TV Any Given Sunday
Win the Superbowl and drive off in a Hyundai
She was spose to buy ya shorty TYCO with ya money
She went to the doctor got lypo with ya money
She walkin around lookin like Michael with ya money
Should of got that insured got GEICO for ya moneeey
If you aint no punk holla We Want Prenup
WE WANT PRENUP! Yeaah
It's something that you need to have
Cause when she leave yo ass she gone leave with half
18 years, 18 years
And on her 18th birthday he found out it wasn't his

(lyrics from Golddigga'...shit, i cant make this crap up...and yes, i do do Prenups)

Hatin'

Before I begin my near weekly rant, Im just going to add that its really warm outside. And this is good. Its 12 degrees (53.6 to the Yanks-- arent you proud of me and my converting skills? yeah, i got skills.)at 900 in the AM.

First: I hate hardware stores. Home Depot, Rona, Totem, Homehardware, Canadian Tire, etc. etc. I dont want to ever step in one again. They used to be a place of neverending amusement for me. I used to love tools. I used to love building stuff. But now, I hate it all. Im sick of it. I wish I could go home and watch the Oilers (who won with a triumphant goal in OT by Stoll against the Red Wings last night) game and drink a Caesar, have a bubble bath and then go to bed...and not have to install shelves, build cupboards, seal windows, etc. etc. instead.

Ok. I dont hate Canadian Tire. I have a dowry of approx $90 worth of Canadian Tire Money ready for who ever is the lucky dude to take my hand in marriage. For those who havent seen/heard of Cdn Tire cash... its monopoly-looking money worth anywhere from 1 cent to $2.00 [same as Canadian coins] that you get back from the store when you make a purchase, with the hope you will come back soon and buy more from the store with it. So with such low denominations, you can imagine the size of $90 of it... quite the impressive prize for my lucky hubby.



Recently other businesses have also starting accepting Cdn. Tire money. A bar that we frequent quite often accepts it on Tuesdays. Being able to trade my dowry for beer I think makes me worth more. So ok, Cdn Tire is ok... but i refuse to go to any of the other places. Just say no to hardware.

Second hate: Intolerance. I know I know. Everyone hates this. But i sure have been feeling it a lot lately. From religious "differences" where i feel that everyone expects you to respect their religious or cultural choices...but they wont accept yours...to the fact that i really really hate when i walk into a cool Chinese restaurant (with such things as Wintermelon soup, fish maw, and red bean paste buns on the menu) and they tell us about the ginger beef and sweet and sour pork. Just because Im white doesnt mean that im only there for the shitty americanized food-- you'd be pissed if you came into my waffle house...and i told you about the rice.

There is no way for me to change this. I guess I have to just somehow put up with it. But its making me pissy that i have to be so tolerant of everyone else...and that I'll never get it in return.

Third: Im pissed at my friends. Especially the ones who live in Calgary. I feel im always chasing them down to do stuff..and they dont do the same for me. The only time i hear from them, it seems, is when they want to go on a spa holiday [ for a deal of only $400 each] or ski vacation [rent your condo today for only 300/week plus airfare] or some sort of lawfirm event that will make me have to make small talk with all the wankers whose asses i kissed to keep a job that i really hated. What ever happened to dinner and drinks? Lunch and a beer? I feel that because they all have been sucked into this downtown yuppie sex in the city atmosphere [ and i have done everything to stay out of it] Ive kinda lost my connection with them. They all make 6 figures and live in overpriced condos. Im 3000 into my overdraft and wonder how Im going to afford groceries next week.

Ok I think Im done. I got the rants out. Remember to send me yer addy if you want a christmas card or goodie. Some people ( Lulu, CBK ) Im talking to you.

HNT times two...

So I missed last week because i was at a course. So I decided to post 2 for y'all this week.

Im starting a new series this week: Juicy's Half-Nekkid Around the World Adventures

Today: Amsterdam

Coming from a land of sex, drugs, and debauchery, its not too surprising that I spent a lot of time in the 'Dam stoned and half nekkid. Here are my fave pics.



We felt strangely overdressed in the red light district...and decided to rectify the problem (yes, my friend is showing boob)



I guess all i can say is that i was also inspired by the live sex show...and was a little hungry in the sex museme...

Also if ya have a chance go here and vote for me for Bloggin Hottie of the Month. If selected, I promise to be the hottest blogger you can find ( that doesnt charge $3.99 per minute, of course) and will post for the rest of the month while not wearing any pants.

A lesson in Geography

I was looking at stat counter today, and saw that there are people looking at me from all over the world... and i was like, Hey! Do I know someone is Rhode Island? Brisbane, Aus? Tennessee? So i gots one of those map things. Please, if you are so inclined, put where you is at. ( i havent figured out how to put it on my sidebar yet)

Map Thingy

Oh, and I have decided i will send out Christmas cards to any readers who want them. Ya see, I really wont get to celebrate Christmas this year ( see: Jewish, Boyfriend who is) and I need an outlet to explode my festive spirit. Send yer addies to my email address. [ lets use firewhenready at hotmail dot com... my old internet dating email address to prevent too many sickos.]

A letter to the editor

Richard O'Gorman, President CBA Alberta, sent the following letter to the editor of the Edmonton Journal. This was in response to an inappropriate reference to lawyers being recreational drug users that appeared in the Edmonton Journal on Friday, November 11, 2005.

The anti-lawyer jibe was groundless and inaccurate. Lawyers give back to our community in many ways. We visit high schools, provide public education seminars, and answer questions about the justice system during Law Day, to name just a few.

JuicyA, lawyer, mediator, and recreational drug user, sent the following to the editor of the Edmonton Journal also in response to an reference to lawyers being recreational drug users.

Dude, fuck. You try listening to these people whine and bitch and yell all the time and tell me that you dont just wanna get baked? Just a sec **inaudible bong noise**. Right what was I saying....lawyers are...hey are those sandwiches?

ps... Running out of days to vote for me as blogging hottie.... in response to "someone" who suggested i was encouraging cheating... well, if you are I stick my fingers in my ears, LA LA LA I CANT HEAR YOU... I aint no Tonya Harding. I dont need no cheating to win. But if youi do cheat, I know nothing of it.

Oh Google...you slay me!

Newest search engine terms that apparently will bring you to The Intersection of 13 and 13...

- gemini tattoo [yes... i have spoken of and shown this]

- "pantyless" and "pantiless" [uh... i dont know when those came up...but apparently i believe that both spelling variations are correct]

- "a bar named sue, calgary" [i threw up on the door there...and promptly blogged about it. i sure hope the owner wasnt googling his own bar's name. if so, dude, im sorry... I cant hold my jager sometimes]

- "hot sluts" [say what?!... but if you agree that i am, in fact, a hot slut let these guys know by voting for me...]

and my personal fave....

- "my grandmother's cunt" [ya lost me... at no time did i speak of this...nor do i plan on in the future.... but more importantly, who wants to see this? If you are here to see pictures of my gramma's holiest of holies, you are about to be sadly dissappointed. Maybe i should put a disclaimer on my site: Im sorry. There is no granny porn on this site.]

Only slightly bullshit test

Wow... no wonder Im in the running for blogging hottie of the month.
( Yes, I will beg for your votes... i want to be the top tart of the tartwagon!)

The Playstation Random Gentle Sex Master (RGSMf) Easy to turn on. Hard to beat. You are The Playstation. You're a nice girl, and you have lots of sex. It's therefore highly likely that you're attractive, and you're certainly outgoing & friendly. Plus, this healthy physical attitude of yours indicates deeper emotional well-being and stability. Unheard of. When guys dare to dream, they dream of you. You don't get attached too easily, and, to wit, you're not necessarily looking for something long-term right now. That's a bigger asset than you know. Though, physically speaking, you're open to anything, you're keeping your emotional side well-protected. This means there won't be a lot of wreckage to clean up whenever you decide to settle down. Your exact opposite: The Priss Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer In the meantime, the men you share yourself with actually respect you. Like them, you enjoy sex for its own sake and don't need any other validation for pleasure than pleasure itself. Hopefully, you have the good sense to blow off anyone who thinks less of you for that. Usually, this is the part of the description where we offer some life-correcting advice, but honestly, we can't think of anything about you we'd change. Keep on fucking, partner. ALWAYS AVOID: The Mixed Messenger CONSIDER: Anyone else Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: juicya58

anyone who knows me knows that im actually very easily attached to boys...and relationships are my thing. Blame it on my dual personality...

Help me stroke my ego!

vote for me as blogn hottie of the month! C'mon. Ya know ya want to! I'd do it for you!

Smartass title not necessary

I go to Engrish everyday... sometimes the pics are just sort of amusing. Sometimes they are funny. And sometimes you just want to say whhhaaaat the faaack?.

You are such a squirt? Is that a good thing?


[clicky to make bigger]

Juicy has not been negecting her blog (and other jedi mind tricks)

Phew.

Nothing like a five day holiday from work that makes you more tired and further behind in your files.

The skinny on the mediation training: Yes, its official. I am now Juicy A, barrister, solicitor and CERTIFIED MEDIATOR!. Woot! I really enjoyed the training and, I can admit, I dont think i have ever been more excited about something work related as i am now. I think I really have the knack for mediating disputes ( my instructors actually said that to me) and if it was totally up to me, Id become more skilled in mediation and pretty much throw the lawyering thing out the window.

Of course, I still need to pay my bills. So I'll prolly just start doing mediation now as much as i can and hope that i can focus more of my practice on it than actual case work.

I could blather about the benefits of mediation now...and why its so much better than court work, but i dont want to bore you. Lemme just suggest that if you need a lawyer, suggest mediation to them instead of litigation. It may work better and a lot of people would rather solve their own problems than having a judge impose them on them. [Juicy now gets off her soapbox, kicks it under the desk and resumes typing]

So, Im back. Sorry for missing the HNT but I still cant figure out Jer's stupid mac works. I was 20 minutes late for class on Thurs because i was doing battle with it. Maybe I'll post 2 this week.

More shameless self promotion

Hello New Friend, Did you find me thru Self-Potrait Day? That picture of me is prolly the worst I have ever taken... its from this night and I was pretty wasted.

Go here if you want some of the skinny on yours truly

This was a funny post. I like talking about poo.

Here is a picture of my butt.

Welcome and stuff!

Dear crazy people,

While you think i am intently listening to your blather about what person/corporation/country you want to sue... i am actually playing this...

Tobby

Sincerely,

Juicy A

Lawyer-chick-who-dont-give-a-fuck-to-tha-extreme


(If anyone can figure out how to get Tobby to the second level, can they please tell me? I think hes starting to take it personally that i kill him so often.)

Who wants a roadtrip to Vanderbilt, TN?

And lets stay here...

Days Inn Review

My fave review:

I was afraid to get in the bed, the sheets had a blood stain that had been half-heartedly bleached out, and when I dropped a pen and looked under the bed for it I noticed a blood stain on the carpet which made me come to the conclusion that someone committed a murder in that very bed.

I didn't know hotels could be so scary and disgusting and not be an actual brothel or halfway house.

Seriously... this place looks too good to be true...

[I cant remember who i stole this from... found it on Saturday when buggering around, if i stole it from your site, big props y'all]

Another week, another post of bitching...

[ Well, not really, but somehow i always seem to be more negative in my posts on Mondays]

Arg. Its getting colder out there. I dont like it.

Another weekend of pretty much doing nothing. Yesterday I flipped channels between the Matrix trilogy and Robocop trilogy all day. ( I was seriously geeking out) I was both pretending to be a cyborg AND doing some seriously wikked mua thai/karate/ jiu jitsu/ whatever the hell Carrie Ann Moss does in the Matrix.

The house is finally starting to look like a place worth living in. Almost all of the rooms are box free now, and I didnt have to spend twenty minutes looking thru piles of shit to locate an outfit for work. Things were actually hung up. [gasp!]

I have short work week this week... sadly not because Im taking a vacation or anything, but because Im taking mediation training. Y'know in Wedding Crashers, how Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson [uh-oh losing train of thought....thinking about being in a Vince and Owen sandwich...droooool....running away to Fiji with them...living in a little love hut on the beach....Right. Where was I? oh yeah...] they played mediators in that movie. Thats what Im taking training in. It means being away from the office on Wednesday [good], Thursday [good], Friday [bad-- its a holiday], Saturday [very bad], and Sunday [holy fuck, dude, thats the whole weekend bad]. And its from 830 to 630 all friggin 5 days. [bad] But my company paid for me to take it, it costs a small fortune to take it, and they are very excited that im going. [good-- it means job security].

So the point of this post [yes...there was one] was to say im pretty busy the next few days and even busier after that... so I may be a little shy on posting over the next while.

Now, if you dont mind, Im going to look into those tickets to Fiji.

A Wal mart story

I always see weird shit at Walmart. Im not too sure why. From people in fistfights to kids running around naked, its like its this weird twilight-zone vortex of strange people doing or, as i saw today, saying weird things.

So at lunch hour today I was at Walmart shopping for mouse traps and poison [ yes... this is what my life has become] and this girl in the cleaning products aisle, which was at least 1 or 2 down from me, was having a very loud conversation on her cell phone.... here is an exerpt from said conversation as i heard it:

Well its your fault that he invited me.

Yes. Yes. What? No!

No... Its YOUR fault.. No!!

[silence for approx 2 minutes...]

Well you PRACTICALLY TOLD ME TO FUCK HIM!

FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!

[burst into sobs]

i [sob] love[sob] you.

[more crying]

YOU FUCK! YOU FUCK! YOU CANT BREAK UP WITH ME!

At this point I had decided to not purchase the mouse traps they had there and began walking out of the store. As I passed the cleaning product aisle I looked and saw a girl, about 15 who was either a lot chunky or a little pregnant sitting on the ground crying into her cell phone. An elderly lady holding a potted plant was at the end of the aisle staring at her blankly.

Im not sure whats worse. Breaking up with someone over the phone...or breaking up while in Wal-Mart on the friggin cell phone and deciding to pretty much announce it to anyone within earshot.

Taking the online persona to the streets...

So last night I met long time commenter and person on my blogroll CBK in person here in Calgary.

If you've been to his site, then you will know that he was easily reconizable by his feet. Haha! (And yes, CBK Jr. looks a lot like him.)

It was cool to take the online persona (which, yes, is the exact same persona as the 'live' juicy...but maybe you should ask him about that...) to the streets and meet someone who i seem to communicate with on an almost daily basis. I was a little worried that I may not live up to my hype... I mean I didnt get wasted, puke, and then proceed to hump a bunch of things.

Im now kinda excited about meeting other people... so if you find yourself in Calgary, drop me a line.

Reflections of a Thursday

[note: i spelled "thursday" correctly for this post... me like goood speeling.]

I think I may have to give up HNT.

Nobody loves gettin nakers more than me. Nobody likes taking pictures of herself while in various stages of undress more than me... but its just that my work suffers too much when I put up the pic, start commenting and looking at others' pics, and then check back approx. 18,000 times to see if i have new comments. [those who understand lawyer-speak, Ive only billed 3-4 hrs for the last few thursdays...as compared to 6-8hrs for most regular days]

Maybe I'll just participate every two weeks [unlikely]... or maybe Ill try to learn self control and not keep checking back for the near euphoric joy that i have a new comment... [highly unlikely]...or maybe i stop all blogging when at work [very uber mega highly unlikely].

I useda be like this when i was addicted to internet dating. I would check lavalife, match.com, yahoo personals about 30 times a day to see if i had any new winks/smiles/messages. Actually, the thing that broke that addiction was blogging.

Well, fuck. I dont know. Maybe I could try something else to break my blog addiction... online gaming? internet porn? cyber stalking? Hell, I guess it could be worse.

I guess if this is my last HNT, well, dont cry for me Argentina. Good-bye and god speed all you little half-nudists. If I decide to come back next week, then maybe i can be like Cher and have a never ending "farewell tour".

Half-Nekkid Thurdsay: Beauty Marks

The real title to this pic should be: "really-drunk-self-potrait-while-nude-and-sitting-on-the-toilet-after-I-puked"... but somehow, it doesnt have the style and panache of my past entries.

The pic itself is pretty good, especially for one taken on such an intoxicated night. Its my shoulder, cheek, and chin...but why i really like it is that it also shows my 'beauty mark' [a fancy term for a mole] on the corner of my mouth.

When I was a kid, grown-ups would tell me that i had chocolate on my mouth...and then proceed to scrub the shit out of my face. (Usually by doing the old mom trick of licking the towel and then scrubbing. Ug.) I have sadly had face cloth burn many a time.

Giving the people what they want

I just found out that people have come to my blog by googling the term "cartoon breasts".

Now, here at the Intersection of 13 and 13, we dont like people to come here and be disappointed. If people want cartoon boobs.... here you go....



No this is not a self portrait.

Hmmm. Maybe i shoulda saved this for tomorrow for my HNT...

Shit Im on a roll...

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

Lets see if ya have all been paying attention...

Another meme

Instructions are as follows:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same

Post #23 is.... here

And sadly, line #5 is.... "Its the number of people you've slept with. "

Golly

That picture meme that all the kids are raving about...

Stole this from about everyone i know... While Im not working, matters as well blog some more.

The gist is, you answer the Q's by putting the answers into Google images and then taking the first (or best) picture for the A. Get it? Steal it if yas like, I dont like passing these memes around too much....

1. I grew up in


2. Now I live in


3. My name is

[and boy, there are NOT alot of celebrities with the same name. Lotsa peoples grandma's though. And everyone seems to be blonde!]

4. My Grandmother's name is


5. My fave foods are





[ hard to pick, so i gave top 3]

6. Fave drink is

[its a Canadian thing... you may have to look it up]

7. Fave song is


8. Fave smell is

Beginning of a New Month...

Means that Ive realised im broke, in debt up to my eyeballs, and dont know how i am ever going to break even...so i start looking into getting consolidation loans or new credit cards with lower limits...

It also means, sadly, Im in the mood to go shopping and buy a bunch of stuff i obviously cannot afford or really need. (Jer would prolly kill me if i bought stuff right now, our place is quelle disastre!)

I also think, as my $70.00 gym payment comes out of my account, that I should go to the gym more. Get back to the shape i was in when i was hitting the gym 5 times a week.

Luckily, by tomorrow I will have abandoned these lofty plans yet again. Whew.

The first of the month also means i am procrastinating big time at work right now. So here is a meme that Cindy "nudged" me to do....

Seven things I want to do before I die:
1. Learn how to Surf
2. Get high on Haight and Ashbury
3. Eat a hot dog in Times Square
4. Kiss the Blarney Stone
5. High-Five the Sphinx
6. Attend Carnivale in Rio
7. Go on a Hello Kitty Shopping Spree in Japan

Seven things I can do [aka My "skills"]:
1. Hump
2. Masturbate
3. Bake cakes, cupcakes, pastries, pies etc. [ I useda work in a bakery...]
4. Dance [im an ex raver]
5. Parallel park like a super star
6. Be very diplomatic [ like tell people they are full of shit in a way that they think im actually complimenting them...]
7. Drink Heavily

Seven things I cannot do:
1. Stop orgasms once they've started
2. Roll my tongue [its a genetic thing... i read it somewhere]
3. Not answer out loud to Jeopardy
4. Nap for more than an hour [ i get cranky]
5. Live without sex [ i get cranky]
6. Live on a budget [stole this one from Cindy...but its so true]
7. Stay quiet when i see pro-life protesters.

Seven things I say a lot:
1. Dude!
2. What?
3. Totally [ i sound like a valley girl all the time]
4. Motherfucker! [ usually combined with another word like Motherfucking Asshole! Motherfucking Cunt! Motherfucking Motherfuck! etc etc]
5. I need a drink
6. You people are making me bonkers!
7. What doing?

[ED Note:I just asked my assistant about things i often say and she added that i often say FUCK! FUCK! FAAAAAAAAAAAACK! very loudly while Im working... apparently i have tourettes.]

Seven things I find attractive in the opposite sex:
1. Dark hair and eyes
2. broad shoulders
3. calf muscles
4. a goofy sense of humour
5. geeky-ness [ knowing alot about comic books, video games, Homestar Runner, etc. is HOT!]
6. being snuggly
7. cleverness

Seven celebrity crushes:
1. Dave Mirra
2. Vince Vaughn { im my mind, Jennifer Aniston has moved up in the world..]
3. Johnny Knoxville
4. Zack Braff
5. David Duchovny
6. Bill Clinton [ yes, im serious.]
7. Ewen McGregor

Seven people who have to do this next:
1. who
2. ever
3. wants
4. to
5. do
6. this
7. dude