Welcome to the French Revolution

Hi, Im Robespierre. Whatsup.**

So, first, I found out my partners gave themselves a 15 thousand bonus each, not hundred. Yeah. Close your mouth, yer gonna catch flies.

In response to that little factoid, myself and the other 2 employees who were passed up for bonuses were mad as hell and, in fact, decided we were not going to take it any more. We asked the partners into the boardroom and i happily informed them that we were made aware of the bonuses handed out and we wanted to know why were were passed up. I have never seen two forty-something men squirm like they were hauled into the principal's office before. They asked to speak to us separately and then told me, simply, that i made too much last year to be earning a bonus. Hmmmm... lets see...I bring in most of the revenue this year...you guys bring in less...and my repayment is being told i make too much. Yeah, great concept. Work hard and get shit all.

Anyways, the whole office is now extremely tense. The people who got bonuses feel bad, the bosses are mad at us for bringing this up, and we are all still without bonuses and pissed to hell. Hooray. Let the heads start to roll.

I should mention that if i wasnt the one who brought in so much, I wouldnt had had the guts to confront them. I mean, they cant fire me. How would they pay the bills?

Now that im super pissy, I need to go watch Flight of the Conchords again. Its here if you dont have HBO. Word.

(** I took a course in the French Revolution in University. Which means I shouldnt compare myself to Robespierre, cuz it didnt end too well for him. Plus, Im more like Danton politically...)

And now a hypnotic gaze from a cupcake loving dog

Thats Stains the Dog... I think everytime I watch that, there is a 50 50 chance I may pee my pants. (the best way to watch him is via the Soup, but they dont let ya embed...plus they end it with Spaghetti Cat)

So Im having a shit day. Again. I just learned that my company decided to pick and choose who to give bonuses to at Christmas...and despite the fact that I am the only reason this low rent hell hole hasnt gone into the red, I was not given one. My partners, who did jack shit last year, awarded their merits with a bonus of 1500 each. Huh.

I also had a pyrric victory ( booyah! I knew a minor in Greek and Classical Mythology would come in handy somewhere!) last week against our favourite crazy ass Court of Appeal litigant, Count Chocula. I was not successful in having his appeal struck...but he was given a week to file his documents ( which is unlikely in that its already taken him over 2 months) and costs in the amount of 1000. Fuck. I still feel like I dropped le ball on that one.

Hee hee. Balls.

Ive been listening the the song 'Time to Pretend' by MGMT alot lately. Its good. About fucking models, doing drugs and dying young. Lucky! ( said a la Napoleon Dynamite). I went out on Friday with a girl who can dance like Napoleon Dynamite. She is pretty much awesome. I kept dancing in the window like I was on Electric Circus. Where was I? Oh right... good song about saying fuck it to work and living on an island with fancy cars and models and drugs.

Please dont make me go out there.

Still no ring. Still no computer that allows pictures. sorry, man.

Have you seen that Family Guy episode where Peter flies to Kentucky and then goes to KFC and asks to speak with the Colonel and the toothless guy at the counter says 'hedaid.' and peter says louder and slower. 'The colonel. Can. I meet. him.' and again 'no man i say you hedaid'

yeah, that guy just totally called me. 'mywhy sez she wan deeverse an i no gonna do it.' And when i said she retained me to do it and i will proceed. 'yer makin perblems that no say be needin'.

I just talked to my client, and she said that he actually works at Red Lobster and makes $2.00 an hour. He decided to sell the matrimonial home in order to buy four jet skis. Wow.

I had to google how to spell "colonel".

I spent the majority of this weekend playing the Wii and smoking dope. Fun fact: much unlike the actual sports, I am actually better at bowling and boxing when i am baked.

I didn't go to the wedding fair. I decided that no matter what, I am wearing a gold dress to my wedding. Why? Cuz I want to. There. Deal with it.

I am procrastinating opening my office door because the next appointment is certifiably crazy and I asked for a totally outlandish retainer in order to have her go away...and she somehow came up with the money. Fuck. Sometimes it backfires.

I am a bad girl

No, not like I should be riding the 'Rock of Love Bus'...or being the raison de bitching for Nancy Grace... I am bad at being a girl.

There is this bridal show this weekend...and every time I start thinking about being in a room with a bunch of princess wannabees I almost vomit on my shoes. It seems that every female is supposed to be born with some innate desire to want to have a big wedding and have "dreamed" of the "fantasy" ( their fucking words...not mine) of this shit since they were little. Why cant I tell people I am (eventually) getting married and not have them start asking about my "perfect wedding day" ( again, the words of these mofos...not this beeatch). Fuck. I dont even have the ring yet and Im phreaking the phuck out about this shit.

Ahhhhh... I feel better now.

I am actually now just telling people I am having a Star Wars wedding...because the only person I dressed up as in a white dress was Princess Leia.

I bought myself this supa sweet espresso maker in December-- and it takes about five minutes to make a cappucino so deeeelightful it makes you wanna cream your pants. Some days, Id rather sleep in that additional 5 minutes and my day is then not so smoothe and creamy. Today is one of these days.

Speaking of coffee, I have approx. $80.00 in star buck gift cards in my wallet. I just keep acquiring them from people and havent been able to use them fast enough. I should get naked and roll in them or something. What movie is that from? Indecent Proposal? Yeah, like that.

I miss Christmas holidays. Getting up at 11:00 am...drinking the cum inducing cappuccino... playing Wii fit and Guitar Hero World Tour until dinner time. Fuck. I need to retire or something.

Henrietta Pussycat says Meow meow Meow Meow*

sorry cats and kittens, I still dont have the ring or a computer that lets me post pictures. oh so sad is my existence. no, not really.

Here are some things I am recently obsessed with and wish i could show you pics:

1. Shamwow...('are you following me camera guy?' )

2. The Snuggie

3. Old-timey photgraphs taken at the mall

4. my wii fit, and my "trainer" Brad who i yell at while i do yoga. Its funny how enjoyable i find angry yelling-at-tv-set yoga.

*seriously, did that bitch ever say anything else?

Can I blame it on the economy?

Sorry about the whole being MIA for the last month. I can come up with a cavalcade of excuses...the economy....work...the break down of my work computer and that the one I am using now is a piece of shite that crashes whenever Im on the internet for more than 5 minutes...the fact that while I was on my Christmas break the last thing I wanted to do was use a computer.... and they would all be partly correct.

I do plan on updating...lets call it a new years resolution. No, a new years Revolution! I revolt against being lazy and not blogging. If I can find the start up disk for my camera program, Im going to load it later today and put up some pictures on here. There are lots from the past while...all simply hilarious.

Oh, and some very very very exciting and good news......

....

....

...

get ready for it....


ME AND JER ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!



Dont worry, this blog will not be turning into a 'bridezilla' typr page. That aint me. In fact, the whole idea of weddings, rings, dresses make me pretty nauseous. I did get a pretty sweet ring, though.