Puttin 'hip' in Hypocrite

So like mere hours after the last post, I told the boy that I have a serious jealousy problem...and that something needed to change, or it was gonna cause some big time problems for us. Long story short, we kinda had it out. Our convo went from me trying to be better...to him telling me anecdotes about some of his past scores... to him insinuating that i was overly promiscuous [ yeah, I know I know... But he didn't need to bring it up]. The incident ended with me sleeping on the couch for a few hours and smoking some cigarettes.

We are okay now. Its been fine. And I have noticed that since then, I joke about him checking out other girls but I haven't noticed him actually doing it. But it has dredged up another concern for me-- his past is as bad as mine. Some of the stories he told me were pretty uncool. I mean, I admit to humpin roommates, guys whose names I cant recall [ or maybe never actually bothered to get], a bunch of friends within the same week, a guy in a coatroom... blah blah blah... but I really don't wanna think of the boy in the same way. Hello, my name is Juicy, and Im a fuckin hypocrite.

Maybe this is the old madonna-whore complex that ive heard about guys having... Everyone wants to go to bed with a porn star, and wake up with a virgin. I like to think of it as all my boys come to me with a clean slate, in a bubble wrapped package with no past....and go back into that box when im done with them. I don't like to picture them with exes...or with people they date after we're through.

I dunno. Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe being with someone who has been down the dirty road like I have will understand why I don't want to be like that anymore and help me stay on the less-dirty [ lets be realistic-- am I ever going to want to take the 'clean' route? the non- naughty route? I fuggin don't think so...] road.

Maybe I should stop being a bloody hypocrite and just let myself be happy for a change.