Um, what i said last time?

I take it back. In entirety. Im totally smitten.

I think it might have happened...

...Im afraid to date people. Im afraid to fall for someone or want someone around, on the assumption that as soon as i get hooked on them, they'll leave me.

Things with the new guy are great. Super great. Our date on wednesday was wikked awesome...we had tons of fun, some great conversations, and [although i know i've said before that i dont do this with guys im dating] some super sex. And then he came over here yesterday and we had some more [and some more this morning].

Now, normally, i would be overjoyed to meet someone this fun and who obviously enjoys humpin as much as i do...but something just wont let me. Whenever I think about him, i honestly do get the butterflies. Yet, then i remember that ive had those before. I had them with Marco and Mila...and neither worked out. I know that im over Mila now... I saw him on Saturday at the bar and it didnt make me yearn for him. In fact, it made me angry and annoyed.

So now im worried. [What, me worry? Yes-- and how!] Is this temporary, or have i joined the masses of bitter and closed off people who never give anyone a chance? Fuck i hope not.

How old do you act? [try to look surprised]

17

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Hmm... no real surprise there. I certainly have been acting like a carefree teen lately. Besides Speed Racer and the Aussie Geologist, I have a date with another dude tonight. We're going to watch a hockey game and eat wings. Maybe we'll have a milkshake and share a banana split too....[thats what 17 yr olds do, right?]

The Twisted Element experience...

Pre Gay bar--

The T-shirt says it all: Im a preppy girl who is both demure and innocent. The perfect combination for the newest crazy gay bar in Calgaria.

And then the return home...

Ok ok... the demure girl from the above picture was corrupted. [hmmm only took 4 red bull and vodkas] So I got home alone [read as: my friend picked up. Im a good fag hag!] and still wanted to party. So i turned on much music and decided to dance my brains out. And, naturally, I decided to take a few pics...
Well, these are the most representative of the 40 plus photos i took while dancin like a fool when i got home from the gay bar alone.

i guess this is the floor show portion [?!?!] 

me rockin out to the divine ms. stefani... i think i was channelling her that night.

...obviously i was enjoying myself

No one puts "fool" in "dancin fool" like juicy


A few minutes after the song ended, I got online with Speed Racer [thats the new internet dude] and because we were too wasted to make a real booty call, I just gave a little PS and shook my maracas on the web cammy...

Fun Fun Fun!

I am 85% evil.

Wow! I'm almost pure evil! Sin is my way of life. If there is a hell I have packed my bags for the trip.

Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com


p.s. had a totally nuts weekend...involving lotsa booze, some humpin, a trip to a gay bar, telling off mila, some crazy phone/cam sex, and lotsa pizza.

i made a collage  

The best website ever... if only i woulda listened to it [sniff]

Hmm...maybe a few years [14 to be exact] late. Maybe i should consider re-virgination...nah, that takes 7 yrs and i dont have time like that...

Anyways: Will all the girls please rise and say with me...

I, [MY NAME], hereby pledge:
1. To never let grubby boys touch me – unless it's just fun innocent stuff like tripping me and pulling my hair. (But only the hair on my head!)
2. To never wear trampy stuff like shorts or t-shirts or open-toed shoes, which basically tell horny perverts that I'm a major tramp who's just asking for it.
3. To never do rough stuff like ride horsies or bikes with hard seats, which could break my vagina's freshness seal and make me totally unlovable.
4. To never let tampons violate the sanctity of my hoo-hoo, because tampons are really nothing more than thirsty little albino penises.
5. To never have premarital sex, because Jesus doesn't want anyone messing around inside my girly hole until after His church makes some money off a wedding.

I understand that abstaining from sex protects me from:
-->Super-expensive dry cleaning bills for getting crusty sex goop off all my good silk and cashmere stuff.
-->Forcing my wonderful parents to use "tough love" and kick me out of the house for embarrassing them by being such a little whore.
--> Having adoption-hungry homosexuals circle my pregnant belly like vultures, hell-bent on corrupting my unwanted bastard child with their sicko "love."

Hah. For boys... www.sexisforfags.com

Regular Post- date posting...

Im not going to comment on the fact that i havent seen Mila in a month...or that he sent me some pictures from his christmas party and it literally broke my heart...or that our first date was also on a wednesday, approx. 3 mos. ago... [oh wait, i guess i just DID comment on it, ug.]
but i went on a date last night.

As you can prolly guess, we drank, made small talk, then made out. Usual stuff. He's nice enough, rather cute, and seems fun...but why did i keep closing my eyes while making out and thinking of someone else [who actually wasnt as good at making out as this guy, as an aside] everytime? Why did i hope that he would message me while i was making out with said new guy, and then id tell him 'oh sorry i missed your message cuz i was with someone else? Or have him call me right now wanting me back, so i could say 'I've moved on".

Man im messed up. I wish he'd just let me be so i could actually move on...Damn. This was supposed to be a post about the new guy, not the old one. Double damn.

hitting the "NEXT BLOG" button on my page...

gets you:

-- conservative rhetoric that would make Rush Limbaugh blush [sample: ' but i totally agree that Jesus Christ is our saviour despite the fact that i didnt make that much on the bottle drive for our church...ps. no gays no abortions but many executions.]

-- some asian teens talking about which J-Pop band they love [soo good =:X) muah!!!]

-- angry goth kids in middle America with cryptic names and depressing icons [mystycysm pain... WTF?]

--something in Spanish or Portugese

Arent u glad you know juicy? Yeah, and juicy loves u too.

--------
Surreal note:
somewhere someone is blogging about how they hit the 'next blog' key and had to read about some 20 something slut who complains all the time and drinks heavily.....
--------

VD: partie deux

hmm page 11...

except before the going home alone, going to Ceilis [which i actually hate] and then coming home by myself. Then, looking on MSN, considered going on Lemontonic [a different version of the same shite as the lava] decide to post this and then go to bed...

Happy friggin' v day juicy.

Valentines Day

bah.

you prolly can guess how i feel about today. lets play chose your own adventure...and then ill update u later as to which came true.

a] If Juicy A stays home and gets stoned, watches Degrassi TNG and eats a bunch of chicken go to page 42.

b] If Juicy A gets drunk with the Bridesmaids...but then they need to go home early cuz they all have to work, so she comes home and does some pseudo lecherous MSN-ing go to page 11.

c] If Juicy A gets drunk with the Bridesmaids, who then drag her to Cowboys, where she meets a boy...makes out with him, then takes him home... go to page 67.

My new Roomate

Well, Ive been discussing it for a really long time...but i finally found a new roomate. Meet Kingsley [if you have seen 'The Life Aquatic of Steve Zissou' you'll understand why the name is funny...and yes, im going to refer to my fishie as Ned at times]...my new Siamese Fighting Fish.



I have often compared my current boyfriend to my fishie [Dumbass and Dexter = neurotic; Marco and Pete = laid back and unexcitable] and am concerned over the fact that im not really seeing anyone right now to be K's doppelganger. I sure hope hes not comparable to Mila-- contradictory, confused, messed up, and driving me crazy. If anything I'd say this fishie is prolly the most social one that Ive had. He's always staring at me and trying to see what im doing. Oh great, my next boyfriend is going to be a stalker. Anyways, here's to Kingsley.

Awesoma Powa! For Best Lucky Attack!

All i have been doing lately is playing with my webcam, looking on the internet, and watching the TV. Right now-- Im in anime mode for all three...

Hey Lenny!

Check out my cable internet and tv!

Lenny: Wow! Looks like the kind ive had for 3 years...

Me: Are ya jealous?

Lenny: But i have the same...

Me: He's jealous

[Note: if you dont watch the simpsons in a pseudo addictive manner, this wont make lotsa sense to you...or any at all. Needless to say, the original episode was about Homer getting a big comfy chair after becoming a stonecutter--the same chair that Lenny had and Homer coveted... Fuck. Ok. So i got cable internet and tv today. I officially entered the 21st century. Blah. Well, Im excited about it]

The Return of the [Somewhat Reluctant] Bridesmaid

Saturday saw the end of an era: the Mercury is now officially closed. I've had a lot of fun there over the years: I had my first ever martini there [a delilah] in 1996, some of my fave Marco memories are from when he DJ'd there and we went there after almost every FMC party.

Of course, I couldnt exactly go alone, so i recruited some of the bridesmaids to join me in the fond farewell...and in true [back on the wagon] bridesmaid style, we all picked up. I seem to have been re-instated with full bridesmaid honors-- I just dont know if i am ready to accept the duties.

Man, was I wasted. I drank 6 beers and about 10 shots before we even left to go there. I almost started a fight there within the first 15 minutes. Three girls who were prolly 5 ft tall [at the most] walked through my friends and i said "oh look, tiny people". Now i didnt mean it in a mean way, but the 3 interpreted it as an insult. [in retrospect, it wasnt the nicest thing to say...] One chick said "that was fucking rude". Again, due to my intoxication, I just laughed. So she pinched me. Yeah, thats right. Pinched me. Like it was recess and the bell just rang. So for the rest of the night i was making a big deal about being terrified of all tiny people...especially those who pinch.

As for the random, he was young: only 22. And i can tell you i prolly wasnt ready for it. I thought about a certain someone else the whole time. Yesterday, I couldnt sleep in my bed because i felt too guilty. I kept looking at Edgar Moose-ilini [the moose whom we share joint custody] last night and almost crying.

Anyways, Im gonna miss you, Mercury. It was always a good time.

And now that ive figured out how to use Picasa...

... I know Ive been talking about it for as long as I can honestly remember, but its finally coming to fruititon. I am setting up a photoblog for all my "hump attack" photos.

Right now its sparse, but im planning on gettting my hands on a scanner and diggin' out my old photo CDs and making it the hump attack site that we've all waited so patiently for.

www.juicyhumps.blogspot.com

Lookit... its me! 

Juicy A's first photo-documentary: I got stoned and had the munchies...

[ED Note: First, start at the last picture and scroll up.
Second, who is ed?]

that was one gooood idea, juicy!

mmmm...jalapeno! 

look what i bought! mmm..milk, jalapeno chips, and nutty chocolate things.  

yay! i made it back alive! 

while in the elevator, i take the opportunity to make some more holes... i make holes in the elevator.  

that store may be across the street, but it sure looks far away... 

man, its cold out here! 

first, a wardrobe change... 

i got really stoned, tonight.  

i need munchies... must go to the store! 

Less than Subliminal Messaging

So here i am, day 04 with the new compy [and no, i still havent figured out how to do the picture thing...] and besides not leaving my little stool for more than a few hours a night to sleep, i havent been doing much else. Especially, I have been logging a lot of time on the ole MSN messenger-- now that I have the webcam, the fun has been doubled, tripled even!

But here's something i've noticed since the new camera was introduced into my lil electronic world... all my guy friends [mostly exes, actually] have suggested that I show them my boobs or hoohoo. Its almost to the point that i could set a timer, and then patiently wait for about 2 minutes, before they ask. Yeah, all guys I know would know that Im very open about talkin about sex and kinky shite... but do they have to be so obvious? To the point where i have to laugh it off and say "that would cost you" and then they say they were kidding... but then about 15 minutes later they suggest it again.

Its quite funny that Ive been online savvy since 1993...but not until very recently allowed myself to have a digital camera or webcam. Its like I somehow knew that i would be tempted to get nakers and put the pics on the internet...and it wasnt until it was absolutely the WORST thing i could do that i actually bought the technology. I mean, if i got caught by a lawyer in town, word travels fast..and it would likely be the end of my career in calgary.

So I guess this is just a warning to my readers: dont expect me to post any T and A pics of myself on here...and if you see me on messenger, just dont ask. That being said, im going to go web chat some more. Fully clothed. Stop those thoughts, sicko.

A Trip to the [very similar] otherside...

A good friend of mine outed himself a few months ago... and I find it rather interesting that he and I have been having the same types of relationship woes and experiences ever since. Both of us found [then lost] a love made on the internet, have had rocky experiences with their ex, and had some kinky randoms in the last while. So when he suggested I travel to the local gay bar with him last weekend, I was totally up for it. Here are my observations:

--Its true, gay men are better dancers. There were a few obviously straight guys there. What made it obvious? They couldnt dance worth shit.

--Gay men are very coy. They dont just go up to each other and say 'hey want a drink?'. They dance up next to each other not looking at each other at first, then they slowly make eye contact...then they may talk to each other after the song is over. [ from what ive been told, they then make short work of leaving together and humpin like bunnies]

--Lesbians are NOT coy. Just ask the Ryan Malcom look-a-like who came up to me, put her hand on my arm and said 'What are you drinking, want one?'

--Everyone was just there to have a good time... although i am pretty sure that some of the boys were on E, everyone there had the whole good times vibe. Ah, the good ole raver PLUR.

Well, neither of us did pick up... instead we wandered our drunk asses home, got a pizza and wings and then passed out watching Homestarrunner. Guess our similarities with pick ups continues to what to do when we DONT pick up...