Testing the destiny of the man on the Internet

ello my friend! I am sorry. This my third letter to you. It is similar to that two letters did not reach you. I decided to test the destiny and to get acquainted with the man on the Internet. This third letter to reach you will would be desirable to trust me that. I allow to you mine email and if you will want can answer: biglove1@eastlinecorp.org By the way my name is Irina and i live in Kazan city in Russia. I like to get acquainted with people and to get pleasant acquaintances.
I shall wait your letter.
Bye!

Dear Irina: I dont think I got the last 2 emails because they dont exist. Im not sure how you got my email address...especially at work, but hey, whatever. Good luck with the man on the internet. Are you refering to Bill Gates? Steve Jobs? Or are you implying that somewhere there is a giant Shiva live creature pluggin all the tubes of the internet together? Is he watching me right now? Does he know what I look like naked? Maybe I should try to get aquainted with the man on the internet too. Couldnt do any harm, could it? By the way my name is Juicy and i live in Calgary city in Canada. If I ever see you i will cut off your legs and arms and will eat your babies.
Hope you liked my letter and it was worth the wait.
Bye!

So today is the start of Stampede. I blogged a lot about it last year-- this year I will likely be even less involved because Im going to a conference next week for work and will be away. Oh yeah, which reminds me, Im going to a conference next week so I may be a little missing in action. Ill try to blog here and there...but ya know. Sometimes its hard.

So, in the spirit of Stampede, here is the Beer testing quiz for all the little cowpokes and cowgirls out there...

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE


SYMPTOM
CAUSE
CORRECTIVE ACTION


Feet cold and wet
Glass Being held at incorrect angle.
Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling

Feet warm and wet
Improper Bladder Control
Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training

Beer unusually pale and tasteless
a. Glass empty.
b. You're holding a Coors Lite
Get someone to buy you another beer

Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights
You have fallen over backward.
Have yourself leashed to bar

Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes
You have fallen forward
See above

Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet
a. Mouth not open
b. Glass applied to wrong part of face
Retire to restroom, practice in mirror

Floor Blurred
You are looking through bottom of empty glass
Get someone to buy you another beer

Floor moving
You are being carried out
Find out if you are being taken to another bar

Room seems unusually dark
Bar has closed
Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run

Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures
Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations
Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside

Everyone looks up to you and smiles
You are dancing on the table
Fall on someone cushy-looking

Beer is crystal-clear
It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up
Punch him

People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup
You're in the ladies' room
Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional)

Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear
You have been in a fight
Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them

Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in
You've wandered into the wrong party
See if they have free beer

Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk
a. You're in jail
b. You're in the navy
Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach

You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps
You're in a gay bar
Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs

Your singing sounds distorted
The beer is too weak
Have more beer until your voice improves

Don't remember the words to the song
Beer is just right
Play air guitar

laters



Downtown Juicy Brown