Happy Feb. 29

Days to move: 10
Boxes Packed: 0

This is the first Feb 29 that i have had my blog-- so I thought Id better take the opportunity to blog today. I even will try any promise to blog every Feb. 29-- so at least every 4 years.


toothpastefordinner.com

Jer and I celebrated his birthday by going out and eating a $90 steak. Yeah. Ninety fucking dollars. So glad Ive been watching my spending lately. (actually, the big spender steak must have triggered something in me cuz i bought a $400 suit today and new designer jeans. Oops)

To be honest, I didnt really care about the steak being so much-- what makes me crazy is that Jer keeps telling people i took him out for an outside round steak....NOT filet mignon. So anyone who knows about food is thinking im an asshole that took my beloved for steak that is usually used for grinding into hamburger and stew meat...instead of the best cut in a friggin cow. Huh. Maybe Ive been watching the food channel too much again.

I now have had this song in my head for the past day. I was singing it at supper last night:



I have heard the response, yet it hasnt got stuck in my head yet. (here it is too)



This weekend-- I will pack a box. As God as my witness, I will pack a box yet.

2 birthdays, 1 cup

Right before i went into court today i heard "Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson on the radio. I had it in my head for the rest of the morning. Not really something you want to be caught humming while you are trying to get custody for your client.

I have this weird twitchy eye thingy going on-- if you have ever had this happen, you know what im talking about. Its like fluttery and stuff. I know it happends to other people because they have told me that its happening to them and ive been all "I dont know what you are talking about". Anyways, its kinda annoying.

Its Jeremy's and my nephew James' birthday. Holy crap. I cant believe James is getting so old. It seems like just yeaterday that i was in third year undergrad and got the call when i was hung over that my sister was in labour. Wow. Anyways-- in spirit of both of your Birthdays-- this is for you:



In the words of Dethklok "Murder, Murder, Die die die"

ps. I watched, out of morbid curiousity '2 girls, 1 cup' I dont know if im the only one...but I couldnt stop laughing. I almost peed myself i was laughing so hard when the chicks started puking.

pps. if you havent seen or heard about '2 girls, 1 cup' uhhhhhh.... dont bother looking it up. Or at least do it on your own recommendation cuz I dont want to be known as someone recommending it.

Days til move: 14; Boxes Packed: 0

Should I be afraid? Maybe. I dunno. meh.

I have been trying to piece together what happened on Saturday night. I recall going to the Republik, drinking, leaving, wandering around the streets of Calgary completely lost, and throwing up. Oh, and smoking out of a bong almost as tall as I am... Yeah. That 'splains a lot.

I also went and saw 'Be kind Rewind'. I wish I could tell you if i liked it or not...but I was too busy trying to ignore The Most Annoying Human Being in The World ( yes, capitalized) who happened to be sitting next to me.

This guy receited EVERY SINGLE FUCKING LINE OF THE MOVIE after it was said and every time he found something funny, he would yell "OH SO FUNNY!", laugh, and then re-recite the line while he slapped his knees. Lodly. Honestly. A Jack Black movie, and Im sitting there the whole time angry and wishing death on someone. Fuck. Im getting aggrivated just thinking of it now.

Its Jeremy's birthday in 2 days. He will be older than me by 2 years. He's middle aged. Haha.

My only thoughts from the Oscars:

1. I liked Diablo Cody's dress
2. Javier Bardem is no longer scary. He is now hot. He has acquired a spot on my bench, next to Daniel Craig and Clive Owen.
3. Jon Stewart is funny.

That is all. The rest i couldnt give a shit about.

Heres some stuff i was thinking about

You know what blows? Ive been all giddy and rambunctious for the last week and way to busy at work to do anything with it. No time to blog when Im all full of ideas and shit. Man oh man.

Here are some of the things I have been planning to blog about

1. I move in 2 weeks or something. Since we actually signed the papers, its like Ive totally forgotten all about it. Sure, Ive been setting up things for the mortgage and shit, but the excitement and all that shit is gone baby gone. How do people have possession dates 90 days away? I would totally forget until 15 minutes before when my blackberry alert would buzz and Id be all 'Holy Shit! Im moving in 15 minutes'

2. We rented the place Im living in now out yesterday. The people are exactly as i pictured them-- yuppies. We totally sold the place as a yuppy haven in the ad-- calling the place "trendy" and extoling the virtues of cafes and yoga studios within walking distance. I forgot to extole the virtue of a small kitchen and bathroom.

3. I have a new nickname for my new place. I will put it in my banner when i move. Speaking of which, does anyone want to make my website pretty. Im bored with it but too lazy to actually do anything about it.

4. I am planning a vacation for late April. I am planning for Jamaica. Fuck yeah.

5. When you go to the toilet, are you a 'scruncher' or a 'folder' of toilet paper. You never thought about that before...now did you?

6. I think my new hobby is going to be calling people at stores by their name when they are helping me...you know, according to their name tags. And do it like i know them and we are old buddies having a chat. 'Say Mitch, I really like the way you curl the Frosty when it comes out of the machine. Good work my friend'

7. My new shampoo gives me 90s hair. I feel like i have a Rachel.

I have more to say...however, I have to poop. I plan to take note on the TP situation.

Fam-dam-ily Day

Its family day long weekend wooooooooooooooo

Im already 3 mojitos in... and im still at work. How the hell am i going to last until 5pm today?

PS. Dont let your dog eat wasabi

Love is in the air

...or at least on the floor

have a good one.

A Blast from the past here at the Intersection....

Hey...remember Irina? (honestly, how could you forget about my disdain for her? Ive never had so much hate mail in all my life)

So Im flipping channels last night and as I go past the French channel I hear the name Irina. Recalling my ordeal with her, I stop and watch for a bit thinking what are the chances its the same one...and through my highschool and university level french i manage to piece together that a bunch of guys in Quebec and Ontario started emailing a "russian beauty" after she sent them a message ( im guessing like this one) and after a while she managed to milk a bunch of money out of them apparently for trips for her to come see them. It was kinda sad actually, this one dude standing at the airport holding a rose and waiting at the International flights ( I mean Vol International ) gate for her...and no dice.

So I maintain my position of before.... I want to beat you up and eat your children, Irina. ( I looked for the story online and no dice there either)

The real reason I was watching the TV last night is pretty obvious. Holy shit. The motherfucking Westminster motherfucking Dog show was on last night. And let me tell you, if you could bet on the Westminster...Id be bloody rich. I called all three classes last night...right down to who was going to make the top 4 and who would win. Of course, it was an awesome night if you love hounds, cuz pretty much the cutest beagle i have ever seen won Best in Show. Fuck yeah, Uno! ( I cant be the only one who gets this excited about dog shows, can I?)

I bought Jeremy's VDay present. Yes, it came from a mall. Deal with it. His card, however, did not.

Please watch the following. You will be glad you did:



Fave part: "Patches always answers the phone...but he never asks who it is." Awesome

Oh, were you still sitting on the edge of your seat?

Oh, hi. Sorry I never told you on Friday, but we ended up settling the matters with the seller of the house and we did end up getting it. So YAY! 28 days until I have a yard for my doggies, a counter to do my makeup in the bathroom, and a place to actually cook in the kitchen. Fuckin A.

I spent most of the weekend ( despite this joyous news) in bed, feeling like absolute death warmed over. Even today Im a little green, still. I think the most productive thing I did all weekend was sweep the kitchen floor. In fact, that and washing my hair were the only things i did that didnt involve me in a bed or a couch or a bed-couch.

So, Ive been watching this show called jPod on the CBC-- its based on the Douglas Coupland novel and is fucking funny. Anyways, the characters are always musing about whether there is any way you can walk across a room holding a knife , and not look like a psychopath... ( Im still trying at home and not figured anyway out)...but what Ive laso realised, there is no way to eat a banana and not have it look phallic.

You see, Jer bought these abnormally huge bananas last week and I havent been able to eat one and not look like im either giving a handjob or fellatio. If you unpeel it and cut it up...then it looks like you are a psychopath giving fellatio. Any suggestions? Id really like to be able to eat bananas in the open space of my office, instead of closing the door and hiding like a perv.

Its Valentines day this week. Apparently if I "buy something at a mall" it is not romantic. Huh. Any suggestions there, either?

Maybe not 'pending' anymore....

nataliedee.com

Thats how the election coverage looks like from those of us not living in the states...

So Im bummed. The last week has been running around getting inspections, completing financing, and getting renovation quotes... and now the deal may not go through. Upon getting our home inspection, we found out that the house needed to get some things fixed which could cost us from 5000 to 10 000.... anyhoo. We suggested that the seller consider this and reduce her price...and she said no. So now we dont know if we are going ahead with the purchase if we need to put so much money into the place off the start.

Fuck.

I also have a really shitty cold and i keep losing my voice.

Back to the house,( because honestly, I cant think of much else right now) I dont know if Im more pissed over having to pay more or that the seller is such a cunt that she wont go lower. I mean honestly, when we offered our price, we had no idea that you fucked up the bathroom and we would have to replace the floor. Or that you were too lazy to paint and seal some windows and now they are rotten. Or that you never looked into maintenance for a roof.... Fuck. Now Im just venting.

I changed my mind. Im not bummed. Im pissed. Im actually Bloody Well Right Pissed. ( with capitals) I think im going for a cigarette.

Pending...

Is what it says next to the listing for this house:






BECAUSE THEY ACCEPTED OUR OFFER!!!!!

YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGG!!!!!@@!


(PS. I did plan on taking a picture of myself when we got the call....but, erm, it was 1030 pm and I was already in bed...)

Disturbed People's Day

A friend sent me this today:

Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend...just as I've done.

I don't care if you lick windows,

Take the special bus

Or occasionally pee yourself...

You hang in there sunshine,

You're frigging special.

All I could think "how did she know?"

I, for the second day in a row, feel unattractive. I have static-y hair and im getting a canker sore ( which i accidentally typed as "cancer sour" just now... mmm...which i guess is a rum and lime drink with melanoma on the side...)I used to call canker sores "cranky sores" when i was kid cuz, yeah, they make me a little cranky. So Im, like, cranky.

I went shopping today... at least I tried. I wont get into it, because Im starting to feel like Eeyore whenever I speak about my body.

I have plans to do the following this weekend:

1. Get drunk

2. Decide which house i like

3. Buy house

4. Eat ribs

My assistant is going to Cabo tomorrow. I hate her right about now.