Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick

(thats a line from 'Stuart' by the Dead Milkmen. Those guys were awesome. I was singing that song today)

First, to my followers, I thank you from the bottom of my ass. You guys rule and I need to put together some sort of gift pack for members only. It will likely be awesome.

Speaking of awesome, how is it that I have been on the internet for so long...and today is the first time I have seen this? I thought we were friends. Why would you keep this from me? I havent been so excited since the laser picture website.

I have carrot burps. Deal with it

I am officially sick of 'sexy' costumes. Yes. Its. Official. I have been looking at costume accessories and I am shocked that you can no longer be a witch, Dorothy, Alice in Wonderland, a princess, or even a fucking ghost unless it is prefixed with 'sexy'. That being said, my costume is sexy... but not in the tits and ass in the air way. More sultry, I guess. (Note: The only time 'Sexy' is still allowed is for Jesus. And especially when he is rocking me.)

I also am sick of high maintenance people. You have to fucking baby them or they turn into a little mushy pile of suck and moan and cry until you get so sick of them that you do what they want to shut them the fuck up. This is approx. 95% of my clients right now. Some lady actually wanted me to make her daughter a dentist appointment for her today. Cuz 'OOOOooh if i do it my husband will be mad. Cant you just do it?' Fuck. Piss off and die. And take back the Sexy Red Riding Hood costume you bought for your daughter shes eight for fuck sakes. (Im just assuming that last part. Its pretty likely though)

What am I not sick of? Unicorns. and Robocop.

7 comments:

CBK said...

"Do you know what the Queers are doing to our soil?!?!"

CBK said...

Holy shit, I've never seen Robocop on a Unicorn before either, but it's awesome! I need that sports team logo on a t-shirt.

Andrea said...

Robocop on a Unicorn is awesome. As is this:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/redandjonny/

Couldn't remember if I'd passed that on to you or not.

And yes, fuck yes...I noticed last year that I couldn't just be a witch if I wanted. It had to be a fucking sexy witch. I just want to be a witch, dammit. Is that so much to ask?

The CEO said...

You are clearly ahead of your time!

the viking said...

That is beyond awesome.

Anonymous said...

The Dead Milkmen played a show recently in Philly I think. Some sort of preparation for a big reunion gig at the Fun Fun Fun Fest in Austin, TX.

I like you. You're not like the other people here in the trailer park.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!