Juicy's tips to saving your life

A client just called me 'Shakira'. Hmmm. I dont get it. Must be my non-lying hips. Actually, I think its because he saw a little belly and belly ring. Golly, ya wear one shirt thats too small, and all of a sudden you are a Columbian pop singer.

Sorry about the crabbiness yesterday. Its warmer outside today so im not nearly as pissy. And its Friday, so thats gotta count for something.

Jer's team plays game 2 of their series tonight and, should they win, they will win the cup. Last year it was quite the party-- it involved drinking out of a cup, many shooters, and some dancing at a really crappy bar in calgary. Im hoping tonight is just as great. After they win, of course. Go Aces!

Im really into this show on the Discovery channel right now about plane crashes called 'Mayday!' The best part is that every episode starts with this omnious music and a voice over calling it 'One of the WORST Aviation accidents in recent history'. You know that the show will end with 500 people dying and people asking why. Its really quite macabre. Here's some episode descriptions:

In July 2002, a passenger plane and cargo plane collide after the passenger plane receives conflicting instructions from air traffic control and the aircraft's anti-collision equipment.

In December 1995, a state-of-the-art Boeing 757 bound for Cali, Colombia, slams into a mountain after going 19 kilometres off-course; investigation reveals that the pilots were baffled by the plane's sophisticated automation.

Dang. Fucking Horrible. Yet... i still watch it, sometimes staying up to 100 AM to find out whether it was pilot error or bad weather conditions. I have learned in my watching of it that its the safest to sit in the back 5 rows of the plane if you plan to survive a crash. You can all use that tip if you like. Thats right, i might have just saved your life. You're welcome.

In the spirit of the show, heres a site about someone who is amused by the safety cards that the planes have and has created captions for them. Airtoons. And just think, you might learn something while you are laughing... like did you know why they say 'dont inflate the life jacket until after the plane hits water?' I do. Because you need to undo your seatbelt after the plane hits, and with the jacket on you may be pulled to the top of the plane...making it nearly impossible to pull the buckle. And then you may need to swim to safety through the plane wreckage under the surface and, again, you cant in a life vest. Just ask the people on Ethiopian Airlines Flight 961...well, at least the ones who survived. I just saved your life again. Fuck i rule today.

Go Aces!