Someone sent this to my drugsmakemecool address, and i thank them for it. If they woulda included a name or something other than "info" as their addy, i woulda given them the props they so deserve:
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck
Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.
Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from
"Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of
Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If
you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my
virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that
Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to
death by Chuck Norris.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck Norris replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
It never gets old. Honestly.
A few weeks ago I ordered a T-shirt with Chuck on it and am still patiently awaiting for it to be sent. The irony is, of course, that Chuck wouldnt wait patiently. He'd go to www.sinfulshirts.com and start ordering up roundhouse kicks.
7 comments:
Not another stupid t-shirt website... now I'm never going to be able to move out. I NEED that "Let's Get Retarded In Here" shirt.
i know... im addicted to t-shirts with stupid sayings too. I only allow myself to buy one every 3 mths.
Whoa, they've already sold out of the the 'what would chuck do'? shirt.
"One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that
Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.'
Oh. My. God!
I was never sure if that drugs email was real or not. And like the new profile pic. ;-)
This is the funniest thing I've read in ages... well at least since I finished Bill Simmons' book!
Have a good 1.
I can never get enough Chuck Norris shit.
"Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer" has made my day. My entire day has been made and it's only 9:30.
Chuck was going to sue-- thats sooo awesome
Post a Comment