Good times, Noodle salad

I know I promised retarded posts after my trial on Tuesday [ which went just okay, by the way] but Ive been hella swamped still. And then yesterday I found out one of my little work buddies was in a major car accident, which put me in a dour mood. So Im going to try to post today.

Here are some things that have been making me laugh lately [pics to follow when i remember my camera]:

1. The owner of the SmartCar on my street.

So, like those cars are what, 4 feet long? Yeah, so the chick on my block who has one is absolutely the most clueless driver and worst parker i have ever seen in my life. It takes her about 10 minutes and 5 tries to get her itty bitty car parallel parked into a spot large enough to house a Hummer pulling a horse trailer. Absolutely incompetant. And funny as bloody hell.

2. The Digit vs. Mr. Lobster

We went to a garage sale last week-- which in itself is hilarious. Normally, when I see a sign for a garage sale I say "hey honey, wanna go buy some crap?" and he answers "No". Well, last week we were in a more shi-shi part of town and he asked me if we could stop. And then proceeds to buy $5.00 worth of what could only be considered crap. Among the crap was this giant lobster/shrimp/crayfish toy for the dog.

So we walk into the house and dippy greyhound comes running over and rips this giant lobster out of my arms and starts ripping it apart, flipping it over, wrestling with it. It looked like a Japanese monster film-- I just needed someone yelling "Ahhhh The Digit! We must flee!" . Ten seconds later he has ripped the claws off and is eating tiny foam pellets from inside it, and the pellets are going alllll over the house too. I did my best to wrestle this giant thing away from him but as Im taking it outside, hes still pulling it. Anyways..I ll post the pictures. It was hilarious.

3. How creepy my gym has become:

Y'know how there is always someone walking around nekkid in the changeroom? Yeah, thats me. Well, at least it was. Ya see in the past few weeks my gym has been overtaken from the people who are working stiffs who just need to use the elliptical machine to work off that extra Bostom Cream they ate at coffee, to some bizzaro world nightclub where people do their hair and put on makeup before they go to work out. Its like one of those 1-900 chatline commercials...all these over coiffed people with good tans wandering around making small talk while pretending to lift weights or very slowly walk [ so as not to break a sweat] on the treadmill. My gym has become the biggest pick up joint in town.

And now to me and my nakedness. When I work out, I pretty much wear sweat pants and a wife beater. And not even overpriced yoga inspired name brand sweat pants. Im there to work out, not pick up. So before Id walk to the showers and be nude with impunity. No one really cared or anything. Everyone was just changing and then leaving. But now, the same people who scrutinize what kind of tankini you are wearing are also scrunizing the bodies of people in the gym. Like not just glancing and looking away. But actually staring. I dont know if its a comparison thing or if they just are shocked by the pieces of metal placed amongst my body parts, but its kinda weird to have people staring at your ass when all you want is to put on your clothes. People just hang out in the changeroom to watch other chicks. Its funny in a weird sense.

So there you are. I posted.