This weekend, on reflection, I did quite a bit of drugs. So kids, if you are reading this: Dont do drugs. Wait til yer older and can really appreciate it. Do as Juicy says, not as Juicy does.
Anyhoo, so Saturday Jer had to work and I decided to clean the house [ a task i really dont enjoy...but needs to be done all the same]. So i got really baked first. However, right after i started cleaning, I thought it would be fun to take Digit for a walkie-poo.
I took him to this park right by my house and he was sniffing the grass, peeing on trees and other doggie stuff...when i heard someone yell "hey". I turn around. Its the police...they've parked on the road nearest to where i was standing and are sitting in the car. I smile [trying not too lose my cool-- drug paranoia has always been a big prob for me when stoned] and say "yes?"
"Didnt you see the sign?"
"What sign?"
"The sign by the entrance to the park? The one that says there is a 'No dogs' bylaw here?"
Now this park is pretty big...and square. I honestly had never seen any signs saying no dogs. My response: "Uhhh... Wheres the entrance?"
The cop was less than impressed, but seriously, there was no sign near the place where i entered the park. I wasnt trying to be funny. Seeing his displeasure, I freaked out and went on the defensive: "Look!" I cried while pulling out a bunch of safeway bags from my pocket "I pick up dog poop! I dont carry these bags around for my own benefit!"
The cop kinda rolled his eyes and said, "Well, just dont walk your dog here anymore. People dont appreciate it". He rolled up the window and took off. I took Digit to the other end of the park, and actually saw the no dogs sign. Digit peed on it.
While stoned later that evening at a rock show, I asked a guy with long hair, beard, and wearing birkenstocks how the whole Jesus look was working for him and if the ladies loved it. This was after thwarting a group of lesbians [one of whom looked a lot like Fonzie and I may had called Fonzie within her earshot] from hitting on my [straight and not single] friend, much to their dismay. I think i was also quoting the Macho Man Randy Savage a bunch.
Again, Kids dont do drugs. Save them for those of us who know how to use them properly.
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7 comments:
What a cool dog you've got...he pee-ed on the sign...good doggy : )
"Well, just dont walk your dog here anymore. People dont appreciate it".
I don't get that. It's a park...WTF!?!? My sister ran into that problem in Maryland.
And I hear ya on the paranoia thing...erm, I mean, I wouldn't know anything about that.
Good for digit peeing on the sign. Why on earth would people not want dogs at parks though? That's pretty crazy.
This happened to Itchy in Maryland? Where? Good Digit, good boy, don't forget the front.
Flirting with disaster, you are.
I hope you didn't tell the lesbians to "Snap into a Slim Jim." That would not have been cool, unless that's what they call their dildos. ;-)
Monty, my sister lived in Hagerstown and could not walk her dog at the local park. They had no dogs allowed signs. Weird, huh?
Hmmm...drugs and dogs do not mix.
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